Conversations I Have with My Cat

“Okay Gwennie,” I’m getting your Memes uploaded to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and StumbleUpon.”

Gwennie flapped her tail, not listening to a word I was saying until the last social media site I mentioned.  “Stumble-a-who?”  She jumped onto the kitchen table and sat next to the computer.

“StumbleUpon,” I repeated.

“What’s that?”

I rubbed my eyes, tired from a sleepless night.  “I have no idea. It’s another social media site.”

“What do you mean you have no idea?  Is this something that required you to create an account?”

“Yep.”

Her tail made a loud thumping sound each time she whacked it against the table.  “Weren’t you paying attention when you signed up for it?”

“Apparently not.” I slumped back into the seat.

“That’s not acceptable!  What if that website isn’t good enough for one of MY memes?  What if it’s a place where a bunch of pedophiles hang out and they try to hunt me down because they saw my beautiful, fluffy face?  What’s the matter with you anyway?”

“Pedophiles,” I began, “don’t typically hunt cats on the Internet. You don’t need to worry about that.  And if Facebook is good enough for you than I’m sure StumbleUpon will be also.”

“Whatever!”  She shook her head.  “Am I viral yet?”

“I seriously doubt it.”

“Well why not?”

“Well,” I glanced at the clock.  “For one thing it’s only been sixty seconds since I finished uploading your pictures.”

“So what!  I’m Gwennie.  Don’t those Internet people know that?”

“Not yet, but I’m sure they’ll figure it out very soon.”

“Okay.” She rubbed her head against the computer screen.  “So….am I viral yet?”

“No Gwennie.  Not yet.”  I reached out to pet the top of her head.  She pulled away and slapped me with her front paw.

“Don’t touch me!  Prevert!  If you can’t make me viral I’m sure as hell not gonna let you touch me!”

Gwennie jumped off the kitchen table and stalked out of the room.

“Sigh.  That’s my cat.”

 

Gwennie

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