Dear Ellen: All hell is breaking loose!

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

I’m trying really hard not to panic.  My trusty steed, my writing partner has vanished and I can’t function without it.  I’ve looked in all the usual places – inside the oven, underneath the couch, on top of the refrigerator.  But it’s nowhere to be found.  Have you seen my Emotion Thesaurus? I really, really need it, Ellen!

Today, I was trying to write a happy character.  The thing is, you can’t just say a character is happy.  That’s generally frowned on.  In this day and age a writer has to be able to show their audience what a happy character looks like.  That’s what the Emotion Thesaurus does for me.  Without it, I wrote that my happy character walked around scowling at everyone and everything, flipping off old ladies and calling every dog they saw a fat, ugly elephant.  It occurred to me later that all of that might describe a happy person, if that happy person was Oscar-the-Grouch….or Lindsay Lohan.

I have deadlines!!!! I NEED MY EMOTION THESAURUS!

To add insult to injury, I had to hire new lawyers today.  I’m being represented by the Law Offices of Gerbil, Rabbit, and Tortoise. Here’s the letter of representation they sent to my toddlers’ lawyers. If you need to, you can click on the letter to make it larger.


My representation letter

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Ellen, I’m going to climb up the side of the house and check the roof for my beloved book.


A. Marie

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6 thoughts on “Dear Ellen: All hell is breaking loose!

  1. A. Marie Silver – I’m afraid you’ve digressed into childhood, needing your Emotion Thesaurus as a pacifier. Please tell me I’m wrong here, as I’m not one to choose sides in these types of domestic disputes, but, you are scaring me. For your children’s sake. Okay, I’m going to bed now.

  2. While I am thrilled you have such a passionate love for The Emotion Thesaurus, I feel terrible that it is MIA. Did the Underpants Gnomes steal it? Aliens? Maybe the Secret Society of Dictionaries. The perpetrators MUST BE PUNISHED!


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