Dear Ellen: I found it!

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Photo courtesy of memegenerator.net
Photo courtesy of
memegenerator.net

Dear Ellen,

It is with great pleasure and relief that I can report I found my Emotion Thesaurus.  Not only was it not on the roof but the hero of this story is my husband.  Take a gander at our conversation below.

Husband (holding book) – Hey.  Is this what you’ve been looking for?

Me:

Husband (Setting the book down and walking away slowly.): Well….okay then…..not sure how to respond to that.

Me (Cradling the book in my arms): Where did you find it?

Husband: It was on your bookshelf.

Me (Scratching my head): My bookshelf?

Husband: Yes.  It was on the same shelf with all of your other writing books.

Me (Shaking my head): Why would I have put it on my bookshelf? That doesn’t make any sense.

Husband: And dumping out an entire box of cereal because you thought your book might be the happy toy inside does?

Me: Well….yeah! A box of cereal is a way more logical place for a book to be.

Husband: No it’s–

Me (Holding my hand up): What have I told you about trying to use logic and reasoning to win a fight?

Husband: That it never ends pretty.

Me: Okay! Thank you for finding the book.  Let’s never talk about this again. (walking away, muttering to myself) I don’t even understand it. Why would this book be on a bookshelf?  That’s so weird. 

What can I say, Ellen, I operate under a system of constant chaos. I’m that person who doesn’t put anything away because on the rare occasion I do, I’m passing out flyers to everyone in the neighborhood, asking if they’ve seen my beloved precious.

Sincerely,

A. Marie

Now it’s my turn to ask you: What is the strangest location you ever found a lost object? Inquiring minds really want to know!

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15 thoughts on “Dear Ellen: I found it!

  1. I have yet to solve the mystery of the missing socks and teaspoons. I must have lost hundreds over the years. There must be a sock and spoon heaven somewhere….

  2. Typical shabby trick by an inanimate object. It mischievously hid from you all the while then the moment your husband came into its sneaky view the thing contrived to appear wearing a false innocent air of ‘Oh I am so glad you’ve found me. I have been here all the while. What a fuss!’
    In our house they do it all the time, luckily we’re wise to this ploy and are always supportive of each other when the miscreant is found. The behaviour of my poor wife’s pop-socks is quite disgraceful, I have lectured them several times on the subject but the whole tribe is quite deaf to reason and civilised behaviour.

  3. I lost my mind when I was in college – I found it in a therapist’s office. She had it hidden there for years, until one day I got it back. She thought I should have been grateful, but I was angry that she had had it all along and hadn’t given it to me earlier. But that was years ago, and I’m over it now.

    1. Well that was rude! I hope you billed her for the pain and suffering. I’m still looking for my marbles. They were last seen with my socks right before my socks went into the laundry.

  4. Years ago, my mother lost a ring. She found it about two weeks later…. This was in the 80s when we all rolled up our jeans. Somehow, her ring had fallen straight down into the rolled-up cuff. She found it when she unrolled them to wash them. ???

    I found a few dollar bills of different denominations under the lining paper of my grandmother’s dresser drawers. But she was a Depression-era gal and hid money pretty much everywhere.

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