Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.
My three-year-old and two-year-old have been talking again. I really need to learn to keep a tape recorder handy at all times because when I tell people about these conversations, they never believe me. Oh well. Here’s what I heard last night….when I was trying to sleep….more importantly….when they should have been sleeping.
Baby Girl: Brother, what was all the ruckus I heard in your bedroom last night?
Baby Boy: Well Sissy, I was watching a movie and found that the sound effects were seriously lacking. To compensate for that, I decided to add my own sound effects. Momma, however, was not amused by this.
Baby Girl: What was her reaction?
Baby Boy: She came into my room uninvited, informed me that it was 10:15 pm and that I needed to go to bed. Then, she turned off my movie, placing the iPad out of my reach.
Baby Girl: That was terribly rude of her.
Baby Boy: Yes it was, but not nearly as rude as the next comment she made.
Baby Girl: Do tell me what she said. The suspense is killing me.
Baby Boy: She smelled the air and then said, “Bobo. Did you poop?”
Baby Girl: Really? That was intrusive.
Baby Boy: Indeed it was. The presence of fecal matter in my diaper was not her concern.
Baby Girl: So she was correct?
Baby Boy: Yes, but that’s beside the point. An individual should never forcibly enter someone’s quarters and ask such a question. It demonstrates a serious lack of manners on her part.
Baby Girl: I see. Out of curiosity, does she use a wet wipe on you?
Baby Boy: Yes. Why do you ask?
Baby Girl: I find it ironic. Whenever my diaper becomes wet, I’m immediately uncomfortable. Momma remedies it by removing the wet diaper but then she places a cold, wet cloth on my bottom. I was uncomfortable because I was wet. How does using a wet cloth solve my dilemma?
Baby Boy: Momma says that when she applies the wet wipe, she’s removing the “sticky” or “smudge,” from our rear ends.
Baby Girl: It’s a preposterous notion.
Baby Boy: (tapping his chin with his forefinger) Hmmm….perhaps I’ll address the topic for my third grade dissertation.
Baby Girl: Wonderful! Be a good sport and let me know about any commentary you receive.
Baby Boy: Most certainly!
Do all toddlers talk this way when they think their parents aren’t listening? Should I be concerned?