Dear Ellen: Not your typical New Year’s Resolution

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason.  Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

Our New Year’s was fairly low key.  My husband I celebrated by having takeout Thai for dinner while we watched our kids throw their pizza rolls all over the floor.

During one trip back to the kitchen to fetch this or that, my three-year-old daughter came running after me.

“Spilled water,” she said.

“Okay.” I grabbed a towel and followed her into the living room where, sure enough she spilled her water all over the little folding table she was seated at.

My husband worked to clean up the water on the table while I dabbed at the water on the carpeting.  As we were cleaning, I heard her sweet little voice sing out, “Goddamnit!”

“No,” my husband began. “We don’t say that. That’s a bad word.”

“At least the context was right,” I said.

Then, not two seconds later, her sweet little voice sang out again. “Fuck!”

She wore a very proud smile the whole time.

In honor of this glorious parenting fail, I’ve come up with a list of resolutions to ring in the new year.

  1. Take the Christmas tree down before Valentine’s day.
  2. Blog every Wednesday & Saturday.
  3. Stop cursing around my kids. (I’d say stop cursing completely, but everyone who knows me knows that’s a big fat lie.)

Anyway, Ellen, I said it last year and I’ll say it again:

But who knows. Maybe this year, I’ll get it right.


A. Marie

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2 thoughts on “Dear Ellen: Not your typical New Year’s Resolution

  1. I tell all my friends that they should never bring their kids around me unless they want them cussing like a sailor at preschool. Perhaps I should have said, I told all my old friends that, but they didn’t listen. The new people I encounter, I wait a while and decided whether or not I want to have them hang around before I do or don’t tell them. You get my drift….

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