Dear Ellen: Open mouth, insert foot.

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

I suffer from open-mouth-insert-foot syndrome. It’s caused because my mouth works faster than my brain. I work really hard to keep my foot out of my mouth but on days like today, that’s easier said than done.

Early this afternoon, I heard someone opening my storm door. Then the door shut. I waited thinking maybe it was my husband. When I didn’t hear the door unlock, I went to the peephole. No one was outside. So, I opened the door and found a package from UPS marked urgent. The problem was, it wasn’t for my household. It was for the neighbor down the street.

After dropping off my son at school, I drove to my neighbor’s house to return the package. A very nice man opened the door. I held up the package. “Is this your mail?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No. It’s for the previous owners.”

“Oh,” I said. “UPS brought it to my house just down the street.”

The skin on his forehead crumpled. “Huh. Well now I’m confused. They delivered this package to me yesterday and I took it back to UPS with “Return to Sender” marked on it.

“Well,” I began, “That doesn’t surprise me. We had this problem with them last year. They kept delivering a package to our house that was for our previous tenants. I took it back to UPS twice and they still kept delivering it. Lazy people. How hard is it to match the street address with the number on the package. My four year old could do that.”

He reached for the package. “I work for UPS.”

“I’ll take it to work tomorrow and give it to my supervisor,” he said.

“Thanks.” I croaked. I felt like a complete idiot. I walked back to the car shaking my head the entire way. Of all the neighbors we have, leave it to me to make a snarky comment like that to the one neighbor who works for UPS.

He seemed like a really nice guy, Ellen. I just hope he has a forgiving sense of humor. Otherwise I might not see another package delivered by UPS again.


A. Marie

Calling all fellow readers. Tell me about one of your open-mouth-insert-foot moments. Please! I don’t want to be the only one who suffers from this.




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3 thoughts on “Dear Ellen: Open mouth, insert foot.

  1. Ouch! That’s a horrible thing to have happen… There really wasn’t an easy way out for you. I’ve had some moments like that, but nothing I really remember, with luck your neighbor won’t remember it.

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