Dear Ellen: The three things I’ve learned

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

For the past few days, I’ve been working on a podcast recording for my literary magazine.  (Don’t worry, Ellen. I’m not going to use this blog post as some shameless plug for promoting Pilcrow & Dagger.  And I definitely won’t mention that we’re accepting submissions. No ma’am! You won’t have to worry about that here.)

Anyway, I learned the following three things from recording and editing a podcast.

  1. I’m annoying!  Seriously!  Have you heard my voice, Ellen? I have – at least 16 – 20 times over the last hour. It’s awful.  Nails scratching a chalkboard is more enjoyable! Clichés are more enjoyable! Fifty Shades of Grey was more…..hmmmm…scratch that last one.
  2. When recording, always make sure you’re surrounded in silence.  The last thing you want showing up in the middle of a podcast recording is “Wow! Look at that! It’s a poop!” Don’t get me wrong, it’s funny as hell when my three-year-old says it, but no so much when it’s coming from my husband – which begs the questions “What the f–?”
  3. It’s a good thing my husband has selective hearing. Seriously! I’m annoying!
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I’ll be so glad when I’ve finished this podcast!  My only hope is that I did the author justice.


A. Marie

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2 thoughts on “Dear Ellen: The three things I’ve learned

  1. I’ve actually been lucky enough to be a guest on a couple of sports-related podcasts recently and actually enjoy doing them. I like my voice too. But I would never let other people know that as it would come off as egotistical and vain.

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