Dear Ellen: We can’t keep throwing things away

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

My four year old got a hold of a pen this weekend and used it to draw all over our table cloth.  My husband, extremely annoyed by this, declared the table cloth garbage and took it off the table. The problem is this isn’t the first time the discussion of throwing ink-decorated items has come up.

“Um. No,” I said.  “I appreciate that you’re annoyed but we’re not throwing this thing away. The purpose of the table cloth was to protect the table and it’s definitely serving its purpose.

“It’s trash,” he said, waving his arm in the direction of the table cloth.

“We can’t keep throwing things away because the kids color on them.  We won’t have anything left.”

Seriously, Ellen, take a look at the list of things we’ve disposed of in the last year because the kids colored on them.

  1. An entire roll of paper towel
  2. Miscellaneous clothing items
  3. DVD’s
  4. A roast beef
  5. A box of condoms
  6. Four remote controls
  7. A tooth brush
  8. My diaphragm
  9. Some folding chairs
  10. A television set
  11. A container of ice cream
  12. A set of curtains

If we keep getting rid of things the kids color on, we won’t have a house left.

Anyway, Ellen, I won the battle over the table cloth and after a few rounds with an all-purpose cleaner, managed to dramatically fade the ink drawing.

My son’s drawing


A. Marie


Totally random thought – the disposal of items #5 and #8 might have had something to do with the conception of baby #3.


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