Dear Marvel Comics

Dear Marvel Comics,

I writing to inform you that your Spiderman inventory lacks underpants for toddler girls. My three year old LOVES Spiderman and desperately wants Spiderman underpants. She’s promised me that if I get her the underpants, she’ll never have another accident and let me tell you something, this child doesn’t lie. Well, except for the time when I heard her in the kitchen and asked her what she was doing.

“Nothing,” she replied.

When I walked in there I found her sitting in a pile of flour that she’d poured all over herself. She looked up at me and smiled. “Uh oh. I made a mess.”

And then there was the time I followed a trail of fruit punch into our living room. I found my daughter with red, joker-stained lips.

I asked her who spilled the fruit punch and she pointed to the cat. “Little Miss made mess.”

Now, if she’d pointed to my other cat, Gwennie, I would’ve believed her because Gwennie is the devil incarnate.

Photo by A. Marie Silver

Little Miss, however, is a four-legged saint complete with a halo and wings.

This is not Little Miss. Unfortunately, all of the photos I have of Little Miss make her look nasty and unforgiving. So I’m submitting this picture of a goat instead.

Anyway, aside from those two instances, she’s a very honest child. So, please, start making Spiderman underpants for girls and don’t worry about changing the color scheme around. I assure you, my child wants red, white and blue Spiderman underpants just like her big brother.

Thank you for your time.

A. Marie Silver.

P.S.

She currently wears a size 4T

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