Dear Mister Diary – This is a special update from Little Missy

Little Missy Photo by A. Marie Silver
Little Missy
Photo by A. Marie Silver

Dear Mister Diary,

Gwennie can’t come to the computer to type this entry.  I grounded her.  She was very, very naughty!  It all started yesterday.

I came down the stairs and found M0mma’s Little Thing hiding in the corner of the room.  “Little Thing,” I said, “Why are you hiding?”

“Momma’s vacuuming.” He said.  Little tears streamed down his eyes.

“Are you scared of the vacuum?”  I sat down next to him and brushed his foot with my tail.

“No,” he sniffed.  “Momma’s gonna swallow me up with the vacuum.”

“What? No Little Thing.  Momma loves you very much.  She’d never do that.”

He nodded his head.  “Yes she would. Gwennie said she would.”

The second I heard that I got real angry.  “What exactly did Gwennie say?”

The Little Thing shifted around on his knees.  “She said that Momma wanted to swallow me whole with the vacuum and that if I saw her with it, I should open the door and run outside into the street.” Tears flowed down his face like someone turned up the water faucet.  “But I can’t open the door because I can’t reach the round thingy.  So, I’m hiding until she puts it away.”

Poor Little Thing.  “Oh Little Thing,” I began, “I’m sure there’s been a misunderstanding.  I think Gwennie’s confused.  Let me go upstairs and check with her.  Okay?”

He nodded and put his fingers inside his mouth.

“You stay right here, Little Thing. You’ll be safe I promise.”

Guess what happened next, Mister Diary. I marched up those stairs and had a little chat with Gwennie.

“Ouch!  Little Missy!  You get your claws off of me!  Stop that!  You (expletive) prevert! Quit it! No Little Missy!  Don’t do that!”

Gwennie ran down the stairs as fast as she could.  “Little Thing,” she huffed.  “I believe there was a misunderstanding. Momma’s not going to swallow you whole with the vacuum cleaner.  She’s only going to swallow up the dirt.  I was confused and I’m very, very sorry.”

Gwennie ran half way up the stairs.  “Okay Little Missy.  I did it. Please let my puff balls go!”

“Did you kiss him?”

“What?”

“Did you kiss him?’ I asked again.

“I don’t want to.” Gwennie moaned.

“Kiss him or I flush your puff balls down the toilet!”  Mess with Momma’s Little Thing and you get Little Missy – The Beast!

Gwennie ran over to the Little Thing and licked his face twice.  She cringed and fought back the urge to vomit.  “Are we good Little Thing?  You know it was just a misunderstanding, right?”

The Little Thing giggled and reached out to pet Gwennie.  Gwennie ducked and ran away.

“Okay Little Missy!  I did it! I kissed him!  Please don’t drowned my puff balls!”

I fished her puff balls out of the toilet about an hour later.  Then I locked Gwennie inside the closet where she sits at present, knowing that I’m writing her blog.  Hopefully this teaches her a lesson.

This has been a special update from Little Missy.

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