Dear Ellen: Things I’ve Said to My Kids

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres.  Why? Because I Can!

Random Flower Photo by A. Marie Silver
Random Flower
Photo by A. Marie Silver

Dear Ellen,

Here is a list of things I never imagined I’d ever say.  I have my kids to thank for these.

  1. Don’t comb your hair with your chicken nuggets
  2. Don’t body slam the cat
  3. Don’t water the plants with your milk
  4. Don’t put the cat’s tail in your mouth
  5. Don’t color with your cereal
  6. Don’t sit on the cat
  7. Don’t play with mommy’s tampons
  8. Your cereal bowl is not a hat
  9. Whose poop is that?
  10. Where’s your diaper?

Ellen, I never imagined being a parent would be so challenging and so humorous.

Sincerely,

A. Marie

Calling all parents!  What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever said to your kids?  Please tell me in the comment section. I need to know I’m not the only one!

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