Dear Ellen: I’m an Adjective

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres.  Why? Because I Can!

It’s day 12 of the Writer’s Digest Platform challenge.  Today I have to comment on someone’s blog, leaving my blog URL.  The challenge is that I can’t ask that person to visit my blog, so hopefully their website will have it set up to record that information. If not, I’ll have to get creative.

Two days ago I asked people to comment on my blog, leaving their name and three words for me to write about in my letter to Ellen DeGeneres.  Today’s letter is dedicated to fellow platform challenger, Veronica Hosking. Today is Veronica’s wedding anniversary.  If you have a second, hop onto her blog, and wish her and her husband a happy day.

This is a noun. Photo by A. Marie Silver
This is a noun.
Photo by A. Marie Silver

Dear Ellen,

Here, on planet Delusional – where I live, apparently – the weather is gorgeous.  It’s sunny and in the 60s.  Being that it’s October, the trees are changing.  The red, gold and orange leaves make this world look majestic.

On this autumn day, my friend Veronica and I attended a wedding.  Veronica and I have been friends for ages – 48 hours to be exact.  We’re both performers.  As such, we didn’t just dress for this special occasion.  We also decided to perform for it.  You know, give the bride and groom something they’ll never forget on their special day.

Love was in the air when we arrived in character.  I decided to be an adjective and I chose “panicky.”  I sat in the pew, biting my nails, looking over my shoulder every 2.5 seconds and jumping every time someone coughed, sneezed or moved.  When the priest addressed the congregation, asking if anyone had any objections to the union, I made my debut performance.  Hopping onto the bench I screamed, “You can’t marry her! She’s a spoiled, selfish pig! The whole world will end, if you go through with this! Don’t marry that selfish pig!”

Veronica came to the wedding, acting as an omniscient narrator. As the ushers were dragging me out of the chapel, she rose to the occasion.  “Allison didn’t know it yet, but her day was only going to get worse.  The men in white were waiting to take her back to the asylum from which she escaped earlier that day.  Her plans to turn the bride and groom into zombies had failed.” Then Veronica turned toward the bride and groom.  “Kermit and Miss Piggy were dumbstruck by the entire spectacle.  Who was that panicked-stricken woman, screaming at them? Was she one of Kermit’s ex-lovers or one of Miss Piggy’s deranged family members? But most importantly, who is that strange woman standing in front of them, narrating the events as they unfold?

I’m sure it comes as no shock to you that Veronica was also escorted from the wedding.  Apparently, Kermit and Miss Piggy didn’t understand our purpose.

Ellen, do you think we should have told people about our plans to perform? Was it wrong of us to crash the wedding?

Sincerely,

A. Marie

P.S.

In case you were wondering, after our departure, the wedding went off without a hitch – or at least that’s what we were told.  Veronica and I weren’t allowed back inside.

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