Misadventures in Editing: The trouble with technology

Ever wondered what a writer goes through when editing a work-in-progress?  Here’s your chance to find out.  Take a look at some of the conversations I’ve had with my characters while editing my current novel. If you’ve ever had something like this happen to you, please tell me in the comments.

My son asked me to make him cookies. So, I did. This wasn't what he had in mind. Photo by A. Marie Silver
My son asked me to make him cookies. So, I did. This wasn’t what he had in mind.
Photo by A. Marie Silver

“Where is she?” Celeste asked, kicking her feet up on the conference table.

“You shouldn’t be doing that with your feet,” said Dr. Palmer, from his corner.  His hair was clean, and he no longer reeked, but his behavior was still as annoying as ever. “It’s poor manners.”

“I’m a fictional character,” Celeste said, yawning. “I don’t have any.”

“Please take your feet off the table,” Dr. Palmer whined. “If you make Ms. Silver angry, she’ll take it out on me.”

Celeste looked around the room.  Her audience consisted of Dr. Palmer, Mrs. Simmons and her invisible dog.  Celeste stretched her arms out to opposite ends of the room. “Anyone besides Dr. Palmer have a problem with that?”

Mrs. Simmons didn’t respond.  The sound of her snores were as delicate as she was.

“Guess you’re outnumbered, Doc.”

Armed with a tall, over-priced coffee – contained by a red paper cup that had no reference to any holiday or religion – I approached the table, grabbing the first chair on my right.  “Where’s Amethyst?” I asked, scanning the room.

“Beats me,” Celeste said, kicking her feet off the table.  “You didn’t leave her in the shower again, did you?”

“No.” I chuckled. “The last time I saw her she was walking toward the diner to find you.”

The door to the conference room swung open.  Amethyst stood inside the doorway – drenched from head to toe – clenching something in her hand.

“What on Earth!” Celeste jumped out of her chair, taking off her cardigan.  She ran over to Amethyst placing it around her shoulders. “I thought you said you left her at the diner?”

“I did!” I shrugged. “I didn’t do this to her.” Why is it writers always get blamed for the crap that happens to their characters?

“She didn’t.” Amethyst said, shivering. “She didn’t leave me in the shower.  What she did was leave me in a car with a malfunctioning GPS system that told me to drive into a lake.”

“Why the heck did you drive into a lake?” Celeste asked.

“Yeah,” I chimed in. “Why didn’t you ignore it or put on the brakes?”

“Because you didn’t FINISH THE SENTENCE!”

“Huh?” I tore open the draft I was working from and reviewed the last sentence.  My face flushed. “Oops.” I giggled.

“Turn left in .2 miles,” the GPS system said.

Amethyst turned the wheel to the left

I could feel Celeste reading over my shoulder.  “You didn’t,” she whispered. “Great. Now she has another thing to complain about.”

I pulled my pen out of my back pocket. “No worries. I can fix this.”

“Turn left in .2 miles,” the GPS system said.

Amethyst turned the wheel to the left, slamming on the breaks when she realized her mistake. “Holy Couch Potatoes! Are you trying to get me killed!” She yelled at the GPS system.

“Turn left! Turn left! Turn left!” the GPS system said, panicking.

“I can’t turn left, you stupid piece of crap! There’s a lake there!” 

“There,” I said. “How’s that?”

Amethyst glared at me, dripping all over the carpeting. “Too little, too late!” She stomped out of the room.

Celeste chased after her, “Go to my shop! I’ll get you some tea!”

Their voices faded the further away they traveled.

“I don’t wanna drink your stupid tea! I wanna go home!”

“Quit being such a baby,” Celeste said.

Mental note: Finish sentence before going to bed.

 

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2 thoughts on “Misadventures in Editing: The trouble with technology

  1. I love these conversations you have with your characters they seem very bossy! My characters tend to deviate from the script and do mean things to other each other when my backs turned. What’s up with that!

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