A few days ago my husband had a routine polygraph for his job. He has one of those jobs that requires a polygraph every few years. This exam lasted three hours. When he returned home, he looked beat.
Me: How’d it go?
Husband: (slumps down into his chair) Have you ever had a polygraph?
Me: Yup. My favorite part was when this 90-year-old man asked me if I’d ever had sex with a cow or any other farm animals. Did they ask you that?
Husband: (Zoning out in front of the television.)
Me: Thank God they didn’t ask me about ocean life. I’d never be able to explain that affair I had with the whale at Sea World.
Husband: (Still zoning out in front of the television.)
Me: Of course you know what they say about whales. They have the largest……fins.
Husband’s clearly on another planet.
Me: What about you? Did they ask you about cows or chickens?
Husband is lost in orbit.
Me: So they asked you about chickens, eh? What’d you tell them?
Husband is……I give up. He’s sitting in front of me but I have no idea where his mind is.
Me: Is there something we need to talk about? Do you have a thing for chickens? Please don’t tell me you like being pecked. I’m not sure I could compete with that.
Husband: (Looks over at me. I almost die of shock.) I’m sorry. Did you say something about dinner?
Me: We’re having leftovers.