Praise Bands and Pet Cremations

So this actually happened back in 2011 – when I was pregnant with my first son. My husband and I regularly attended the late service held at our church on Sundays. We both really enjoyed listening to the praise band. They’re pretty good performers. On one Sunday, a member of the praise band came up to us and mentioned to us that it’s been noticed we’re always staring at the praise band when they perform. Yes. That’s right. We stare. At the praise band. When they perform.


Apparently this was a problem for other members of the praise band. They don’t like to be stared at when they’re performing.

I thought this was a little strange but, since I’m a resourceful problem solver with the ability to bring quick resolutions to challenging situations—

I came up with a plan to help me take my eyes off the praise band during service. The following week, when the praise band stood up to perform, I pulled out my cell phone and hopped on Facebook.


And after Facebook there was Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, StumbleUpon, Reddit, and Snapchat. As I was wrapping up my social media tour, I saw something pass in front of me. For a second, I had a flashback of when I was in school. I thought the teacher (or in this case, Pastor) caught me in the act so I did the only thing I could think of. I surrendered my cell phone.


Imagine the surprise on the Usher’s face when he retrieved the offering plate and found a cell phone on top of all the donation envelopes.


Well, at least I didn’t stare at the praise band during their multiple performances. Before long, I gave birth to my son and every Sunday after that, I had something else – not a cell phone! – to stare at.

And in other news, I decided to take all three of my children to church by myself yesterday. They did pretty well – with the exception of the light saber fight they had at the end of the service. What did they use for light sabers? The hymnals.


But that wasn’t the most entertaining thing that happened during service yesterday. Near the beginning of every service, just before the sermon, the pastor calls all the kids up for a children’s sermon. He started off by asking kids what they’ve been seeing a lot of in newspapers recently. Since most of these kids were seven and under, he had a hard time getting a response so he went on to say, “Have you been seeing a lot of advertisements?”

He was trying to get the kids to say they’ve seen a lot of advertisements for toys for Christmas because this was going to be the big lead in to his children’s sermon. Once the kids picked up on this they started offering answers like “Fingerlings,” “Hatchimals,” and “American Girl dolls.”

(Side note*** I realize I’m an Amazon affiliate and that I’m supposed to do my whole “I am an Amazon affiliate” spiel and use the pretty links they provide but it’s late. I’m tired and I don’t feel like it.)

But one child had an entirely different response from all the others. Her response to the Pastor’s question wasn’t a toy; it was a service. Pet cremations was her answer.

Just for fun, here’s a multiple choice test.

Whose child told the pastor that she saw a lot of advertisements for pet cremations in the newspaper?

Put your answer in the comments and I’ll let you know the correct answer after the holidays.

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