Why I Shouldn’t be Invited to Birthday Parties and Other Random Ramblings

Today, a very good friend of mine hosted a birthday party for her four-year-old son. It was held at a fire department – where the kids were allowed to explore fire trucks and ambulances – it was a good time had by all. Near the end of the party, the fire department brought in their mascot – a dog whose name I can’t remember.  It was Spot or Sparky or something.

The birthday boy was a little shy about meeting Snotty/Spooky (whatever the dog’s name was). Meanwhile, my three-year-old had no fear. In case I didn’t make it clear, Stilleto/SillyPoo wasn’t an actual dog. It was a volunteer firefighter dressed as a dog. Back to my three-year-old: she was in the hallway and I was with my five year old and his baby sister in the other room. I heard the hostess scolding my child and as I looked around the corner, saw my three-year-old slapping the dog across his nose. And that’s when it happened. Right in front of all the kids including the birthday boy who had reservations about meeting the dog, I scolded my daughter and said, “Baby girl! You do not hit the dog! If you do, he’ll bite you.”

Most of the parents laughed at first. Then they realized what I said in front of a bunch of impressionable four-year-olds. That poor dog didn’t stand a chance. And I was left feeling like the biggest ass in the world.

In my defense, I’ve had a rough week. My three month old has a cold and she hasn’t been sleeping at night. If you don’t believe me, just check out some of the highlights from my Facebook account.

I’d like to blame my diarrhea-of-the-mouth on sleep deprivation, but the truth is, I’ve suffered from open-mouth-insert-foot-syndrome my entire life.

And in other news, my business partner and I are revamping our blog for our magazine, Pilcrow & Dagger.

In addition to writing the “How to Write” blogs, we’re going to kick things into the fun gear and start writing Round Robin blogs that are related to whatever theme we’re seeking for submissions. If you’re not familiar with what a Round Robin is, it’s where one person starts the story and then another person takes over the story. Starting in September, LeeAnn and I are going to take turns telling a story related to our theme for the Nov/December issue: The Box.

Just for added fun, we’re also going to run a poll on Facebook asking people to vote on an opening line for how the story is going to start. I told LeeAnn I’d come up with ten or so opening lines and then we’d narrow it down to three and let people vote from there. As it turns out, coming up with the opening lines has been quite difficult. So far, I’ve come up with one opening line:

“Why does grandpa have a secret stash of nipple clamps?”

I’m not sure where I got this line from, especially since I was at a Chick Filet, watching my kids play at the time.

Needless to say, I don’t think this is going to be one of the opening lines we let people vote on.

And to finish up with the last of my random ramblings, I realized that sometime in the next few weeks, the fall lineup is going to begin. It still makes me sad to think I won’t get to see anymore episodes of The Catch. But life goes on. I guess I’ll have to get over the whole “no closure,” thing. You can read more about that here, if you missed my last blog post.

I recently acquired HBO and discovered the HBO GO App. In the spirit of trying to move on from The Catch, I think I’ll start watching Game of Thrones. It just started it’s seventh season. That should be enough episodes to keep me busy when I’m up at 11 pm, 2 am, 4 am, and 5 am on.

I was excited to see that Sean Bean has a starring role. Most of the time he’s in stuff where he dies. The longevity of a television show will be a nice change for him.


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