Writing Bad Reviews for Profit

I’ve been reading a lot stuff on the Internet about how people can monetize their blogs. One of the more popular suggestions is to become an affiliate for places like Amazon or CafePress. People claim they make thousands of dollars per month by writing product reviews that help sell products.

That’s all well and good, but writing product reviews isn’t necessarily something I want to turn my website into. I write humor. I like writing humor. It’s entertaining – or at least, it’s supposed to be. But then I started thinking about this story I read a while back about a Girl Scout who sold all kinds of cookies by writing really honest reviews – even if they weren’t flattering. So I asked myself, “Could I be an affiliate and write bad reviews of products and make money?” Sometimes the funniest reviews are the bad reviews. Then, at least, my blogs would continue to be entertaining.

Here are some practice reviews I’ve written. Give me your brutally honest opinions in the comments.

Super-sized Bottle of Ibuprofen

“I’d give this product 10 stars if that option were available. It was a gift to me from the best man at my first wedding. It’ll cure migraines and costs a lot less than a divorce lawyer.

Toilet Paper

“Five stars all the way! Whoever says toilet paper shouldn’t flake off your butt seriously lacks an imagination. The paper bits that flake off my butt always resemble the shape of the last thing I ate. Yesterday I swept 3 tacos and gallon of ice cream off the bathroom floor.”

Hairball-Formula Cat Food

“Two Stars! I’ve been using this product for a few years and finally figured out how it works. It reduces or eliminates the hairballs building up in your cat’s system by inducing vomiting. It’d be nice if the people who make this stuff would die the food a color that doesn’t stain carpeting.”

What do you think? Should I try monetize my blog by writing bad product reviews? Or should I stick to my current profession – an unemployed, sarcastic mommy with a colorful vocabulary and overactive imagination?

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6 thoughts on “Writing Bad Reviews for Profit

  1. This was hilarious. The cat food brand is obviously the same heavy due content brand we have here. It might look delicious in the bowl but it looks permanent on the carpet.

  2. I’ve been thinking about this the entire time we’ve been driving to the beach (at least five hours). I kept coming back to the same conclusion: how many is thousand plural. i.e., thousands, per month? It might very well be worth it if you only have to write one review per month. Think about it. You could still have your hilarious personal blog sprinkled with these reviews. Who would know the difference if they are funny, which, duh, they would be. Maybe you could put Ollie in touch with the people so he can make this happen – that is if it is worth it.

  3. There has to be a niche out there for this style!
    I mean to say, forthright and honest toilet papers reviews would be a positive public service!
    Go for it I say.

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