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Do I need to forgive the light switch for shocking me? Do I need to forgive the flies for dive bombing me? When is forgiveness absolutely necessary? What does the Bible say about it? And how about science? If you’re new to my blog, welcome! This is a sanctuary of chaos, questions, and coffee. Today, I’m diving into the science of forgiveness and exploring why it’s woven into God’s design.
A Letter to Jesus
Dear Jesus,
Forgiveness is both a powerful tool and an important lesson. I have a list of five people in my life I struggle to forgive. If I’m being frank, sometimes it’s fun to stay angry. Sometimes I even feel justified in my anger. Unfortunately, staying angry at them does nothing to glorify you, Jesus.
Fortunately, you blessed me with an ah-ha moment at church a while back. We were in the book of Matthew and read over this verse about forgiveness.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
As a result of the ah-ha moment, I’ve been trying hard to forgive what I can’t forget.
Let’s just say I’m a work in progress. I have good days and bad days, but every day presents a new opportunity to embrace forgiveness.
The Science of Forgiveness & God's Perfect Design
It’s common to find scientists and other academics who use their fields to disprove the Bible and the existence of God. In an extraordinary turn of events, I’m turning the tables on those people. I will demonstrate how science supports the existence of God.
Okay, proving science supports the existence of God might be a stretch. I don’t want to oversell my abilities. Instead of “proving” science supports the existence of God, let’s say – for argument’s sake – I’m going to use scientific research to show everyone reading this that forgiveness is part of God’s design for us.
Let’s start with God’s perfect design, straight out of Genesis: “So God created mankind in his own image” (Genesis 1:27). Our bodies are like finely tuned computers, complete with electrical wiring, a central processing unit, ventilation systems, virus detection, and even built-in anti-virus software. We run constant updates: growth spurts in youth, and later, those less-fun ones like arthritis, heartburn, or gray hair.
This remarkable design showcases God’s ingenuity, equipping us to respond to external stressors in ways that foster healing. Forgiveness plays a key role here, it’s not random; it’s how God wired us to release burdens and restore balance, just as He commands us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Recognizing these stressors through forgiveness helps our bodies (and souls) heal, aligning with the Creator’s blueprint.
The Psychological Benefits of Forgiveness
Science backs this up beautifully, revealing the divine wisdom in God’s design. Earlier this year, Psychology Today published an article titled “The Healing Science of Forgiveness.” The article found that people who don’t forgive are in a constant fight or flight state that can contribute to anxiety and depression. People who embrace forgiveness are less likely to develop anxiety and depression. On top of that, people who learn to let go of grudges can have improved cardiac function.
In 2013, the National Institute of Health (NIH) published an article called, How the brain heals emotional wounds: the functional neuroanatomy of forgiveness. The article uses big words that are hard to explain, which I normally try to avoid when doing research. In this case, I wanted to know what the brain physically looked like when someone forgives. So I had to put up with all the mumbo jumbo. And it was well worth it.
The researchers used MRIs on subjects who were presented with scenarios designed to evoke negative emotional reactions.
(Sigh. The things I do for my memes.)
The researchers presented the participants with a scenario designed to cause deep emotional distress. They were then instructed to either forgive that person or hold a grudge. A really expensive camera was used to capture what was happening in the brain. Ultimately, areas of the brain did show a difference between individuals who forgave and those who held grudges.
The last article I read was Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It, published by Johns Hopkins Medicine. This study found that the ability to forgive could reduce the likelihood of heart attacks, reduce pain, and improve cholesterol levels. They also found that people who hold on to grudges were more likely to develop depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Regardless of where your faith stands, the physical and psychological perks of forgiveness are undeniable—and they point straight back to God’s design.
The Forgiveness Fiasco
Is all forgiveness necessary? How much hurt does one have to feel for forgiveness to be necessary? For example, if the post office is a day later delivering a package, do I have to forgive them for it? I mean, it’s always a disappointment when you don’t get what you ordered on time, but it doesn’t upset me.
If I have to formally forgive the post office for tardiness, do I also have to forgive Walmart for the time they rearranged their store, leaving me unable to find anything for an entire month? Sure, it was mildly traumatizing, but I solved the problem by subscribing to Walmart’s delivery service.
And if I have to forgive the post office and Walmart, does that mean I also have to forgive the drug store for not having my favorite lipstick in stock? What about the restaurant that used the wrong kind of pepperoni on my kids’ pizza?
What about the time JK Rowling made Snape kill Dumbledore? Or the time Shonda Rhimes killed McDreamy? Should I also forgive ABC for cancelling one of my favorite television shows?
Figuring Out Forgiveness
I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I think I’ve figured out when it’s necessary for me to forgive someone.
Any time I have invasive thoughts about something that happened to me, and those thoughts leave me feeling angry and hurt, that’s when I need to pray to God and ask for His help in forgiving that person/people.
If a memory doesn’t leave me reeling with anger, I leave it alone.
Praying for Forgiveness
If you’re new to praying or usually feel a little lost, this is not how I typically pray for forgiveness. I take praying seriously. But tonight, I’m feeling a little sassy, so here’s an entertaining, definitely inappropriate example of a prayer for forgiveness.
Focus more on the structure than the content: Ask for help with forgiving, acknowledge your own shortcomings, and then commit to the act of forgiving.
Dear Jesus,
Please help me forgive Shonda Rhimes for killing off Derek McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy. I have no right to judge her and I’m no better than her. While I have yet to kill off one of my darling characters, I have committed atrocities against them.
I once left one of my beloved fictional characters in the shower for ten years because I took a break from writing to have kids. If I’m being really honest, it’s now been 13 years and she’s still in the shower. I tried taking her out but I ran into writer’s block and didn’t know what to do next so I put her back into the shower.
With your help, I forgive Shonda for killing Derek Shepherd.
In your name, I pray.
Amen
Whenever and wherever I have these intrusive thoughts: driving to or from work, sitting at my desk, even in church when I should be paying attention to the sermon, I stop and pray and try to imagine a large oak door that Jesus and I work together to shut so the intrusive thoughts stay out. It’s an ongoing process, and as of now, there is no cure for these intrusive thoughts. I can’t stop them before I start. All I can do is pray when they happen.
Obligatory Call to Action
Have you looked around my website? Inspired by recent events that sent me running to Jesus, I’ve been assigning myself memory verses. There’s a lot of research on the benefits of memory verses. I’ll delve into those in a later blog post. Suffice it to say, memory verses are also part of God’s design for us. I’d love for you to join me as I tackle memory verses. Every Thursday, I post the memory verse I’m learning on my website and leave it up there for one week.
If you’d like to join me, the location of the memory verse on my website will vary depending on the device you’re using to read it.
If you’re reading this on your cell phone, the memory verse will be at the very bottom of the screen. If you’re reading this on a computer, the memory verse will be on the right sidebar. If you’re reading this on a tablet, please leave a comment and let me know where it appears because I have no idea.
Lastly, if you’re enjoying my posts, please don’t forget to like and share. I want people new to their faith or returning to it after a long time to know they’re not alone with all the questions and uncertainties that come with finding joy in Jesus.
