Snark, Sass, & Sarcasm

Scoliosis Update: The New Cast

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can. Dear Ellen, Last week I took my 20-month-old back to Atlanta for her second cast. The good news was, I knew what to expect. The bad news was, the doctor who performs the surgery wasn’t available at the hospital we’ve been going to, so they scheduled us […]

Things you probably shouldn’t say in a church knitting group

I find myself in this predicament frequently. And it wasn’t as though I hadn’t been warned. Every voice in my head: fictional, real, imagined, my mother. They all screamed at me:   via GIPHY  via GIPHY  via GIPHY   Naturally I didn’t listen to any of those voices and last night at church, I crossed the line. The church we’re sort-of […]

Mommy-Shaming

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can. Dear Ellen, It’s finally happened. After almost seven years of being a parent, I’ve been shamed.   via GIPHY  Well. Maybe I should clarify because I get mommy-shamed by other mothers all the time. Like with my kids and their milestones. My son was a late-walker. He […]

Scoliosis Update: 1 Month Visit

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can. Dear Ellen, Yesterday I took my baby girl back to Atlanta for her one-month check up. One month. I can’t believe it’s been one month since I drove to Atlanta in apocalyptic rain to get a cast for her scoliosis. After the procedure, it took her about […]

Gold, Frankincense, and a Cow?

Last week, my two older kids participated in a nativity play. The play consisted of performers whose ages ranged from three years all the way to ten years of age. So as you can imagine, the evening was filled with all things adorable and cute. My son starred as one of the shepherds. And my daughter, the four year old […]

Useless Humans

This is the conclusion to the “Phoning PETA,” series. Dear Diary, I wrote you a poem. It’s called, Ten Things I Hate About Telephones. I hate telephones because they are ugly. I hate telephones because they go in the Daikini child’s mouth. I hate them because all they do is sit there and stare at people and cats. (Honestly! They […]

Door Knockers

This blog is a continuation of Gwennie’s diary entry, Phoning Peta. “I need a towel! I need a towel!” The four-year-old screamed at me while I rinsed her hair. “You’re holding it in your hand.” I hated pointing out the obvious, but she was holding a towel in her hand. She used it to dry her eyes and a for […]

Phoning PETA

Dear Diary, Everything has been awful! First, Momma disappeared for almost two days. She took the Daikini child with her which was nice but I keep telling her, “If you’re going to take the Daikini child away, you have to remember to leave her wherever it is you go.”  Did she do that? No! She brought the little prevert back! […]

After Atlanta Adventures

This is the epilogue to the “Our New Normal,” series. You can read the rest of the series here. I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can. Dear Ellen, With both the cast and the x-rays finished, I packed up the car, preparing to drive Baby Girl home. But first there was one obstacle left. […]

Post Surgery Adventures

This is the exciting conclusion to the “Our New Normal,” series. You can read the rest of the series here. I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can. Dear Ellen, With the baby off getting her cast, I decided to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Alas, the cafeteria was closed until […]