Dear Baby: There’s No Crying In Baseball

Dear Baby, It’s the middle of the night and I understand you’re upset. But, why are you yelling at me? I didn’t pee in your diaper. Calm down! There’s no crying in baseball. You just ask that Forrest Gump fellow. First he’ll give you some mumbo jumbo about life and chocolates. Then, he’ll tell you there’s no crying in baseball. […]

Dear Baby: I wrote this song for you….

It is inspired by your unwillingness to burp and fascination of ceiling fans.  It also kept me awake and amused during your middle of the night feedings. Every time I burp you I sing you this song. I don’t want to burp. I don’t want to burp. I just want to stare. I want to stare, stare, stare At Grandma’s ceiling […]

Dear Baby: Will You be a Herpetologist?

Dear Baby, I look at you and watch you stare.  It’s like you’re analyzing and investigating your environment, trying to absorb as much data as you can so that when you start talking your first word will also be your first question:  Why? I wonder who you’ll become as you grow and what things will have your interest.  Will you […]

Conversations I have with My Cat – Part 2

Me:  What do you think of this one? Gwennie:  No, no, no.  We can’t use this picture, Momma.  I’m bathing in it.  People might think I’m dirty. Me:  I think just the fact that you’re bathing would suggest otherwise. Gwennie:  I don’t like it. Me:  Okay.  How about this one? Gwennie:  I look stoned. Me:  Do you even know what […]

Dear Baby: Here are 5 Rules for You to Follow When You’re Older

Daddy and I feel strongly that you should be able to express yourself. However, for your own protection (and our sanity) we will invoke the following rules. 1. You and your friends may go through a grunge phase. That’s perfectly acceptable as long you understand that you may very well be the only “grungy” kid who takes a bath every […]

If Baby Could Talk – Part 2

Uh oh!  Uh oh!  My arms got out.  My arms got out! Momma!  Momma, my arms got out!  My arms are loose!  They’re loose! Momma!  Momma, my arms got out of the swaddle! Momma!  Momma, help! My arms!  They won’t stop moving!  They won’t stop moving! MOMMA! MOMMA, HELP! MY ARMS WON’T STOP MOVING! I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP!  I […]

Conversations I Have with My Cat

Gwennie:  Did I say you could have a blog? Me:  I didn’t realize I needed your prior approval. Gwennie:  Of course you need my prior approval.  I am, after all, the HCIC. Me:  HCIC? Gwennie:  House-Cat-In-Charge Me:  Did you just make that up? Gwennie:  Yes.  Do you like it? Me:  Yes.  It’s very cute. Gwennie:  Well, if you’re gonna blog […]

Fifty Shades Darker – The Conclusion

Ana wakes up with a headache and contemplates Mr. Grey’s marriage proposal over a glass of orange juice and a couple of Advil. I know that I always like to contemplate life-changing decisions with a hang-over. Mr. Grey wakes up panicked in part because he had a nightmare and in part because he doesn’t see Ana anywhere and believes that […]

Dear Momma: Here are 10 things you should know about me

1.  If my diaper is wet or dirty I will NOT eat!  If I wet or dirty myself while I’m eating, please change my diaper right away. 2.  I prefer that my formula always be heated to the temperature of boob.  I won’t eat it otherwise.  If my formula gets cold because you were changing my diaper, you’ll have to […]

Fifty Shades Darker (Chapters 8-14)

Chapter 8 Days, weeks and years pass as Ana impatiently waits for Mr. Grey to finish inspecting his apartment for the deranged ex-submissive.  Finally, an all-clear is given and Mr. Grey collects Ana and brings her into his apartment. Later that night, Ana abruptly awakes to see a shadow figure standing at the foot of her bed.  The figure mysteriously […]