Fifty Shades Freed (Chapters 1-7)

Chapter 1 The story begins with Ana and Mr. Grey on the final leg of their honeymoon. Honeymoon?  Holy crap!  What?  No wedding?  No pantiless bride in an overpriced, designer wedding gown?  No sex in a hidden corner of the banquet hall, in between dances?  Serious pouty face.  🙁 Turn page. Ooh!  A flash back!  That works. It’s just after […]

Spaghetti w/Squash and Tomato Sauce

Yum! Yum! Yum! At Weight Watchers last week everyone was exchanging recipes.  Well, everyone was supposed to exchange recipes.  Our leader was the only one who actually remembered.  But a few of us had some recipes off the top of our head that we were able to share.  One of the ladies in attendance stated that as a meal she […]

Cuba Gooding Jr. Gave Me Some Advice Last Night

I was at home watching an awards ceremony on television when the phone rang.  It was Cuba Gooding Jr.. “Where are you?” he asked.  “It’s your big night.  You need to get here.” I rolled my eyes.  I had just put the baby to bed and was finally relaxing for the evening.  “Fine,” I sighed.  “I’ll be right there.”  Geez.  […]

Dear Baby: There’s No Crying In Baseball

Dear Baby, It’s the middle of the night and I understand you’re upset. But, why are you yelling at me? I didn’t pee in your diaper. Calm down! There’s no crying in baseball. You just ask that Forrest Gump fellow. First he’ll give you some mumbo jumbo about life and chocolates. Then, he’ll tell you there’s no crying in baseball. […]

Dear Baby: I wrote this song for you….

It is inspired by your unwillingness to burp and fascination of ceiling fans.  It also kept me awake and amused during your middle of the night feedings. Every time I burp you I sing you this song. I don’t want to burp. I don’t want to burp. I just want to stare. I want to stare, stare, stare At Grandma’s ceiling […]

Dear Baby: Will You be a Herpetologist?

Dear Baby, I look at you and watch you stare.  It’s like you’re analyzing and investigating your environment, trying to absorb as much data as you can so that when you start talking your first word will also be your first question:  Why? I wonder who you’ll become as you grow and what things will have your interest.  Will you […]

Conversations I have with My Cat – Part 2

Me:  What do you think of this one? Gwennie:  No, no, no.  We can’t use this picture, Momma.  I’m bathing in it.  People might think I’m dirty. Me:  I think just the fact that you’re bathing would suggest otherwise. Gwennie:  I don’t like it. Me:  Okay.  How about this one? Gwennie:  I look stoned. Me:  Do you even know what […]

Dear Baby: Here are 5 Rules for You to Follow When You’re Older

Daddy and I feel strongly that you should be able to express yourself. However, for your own protection (and our sanity) we will invoke the following rules. 1. You and your friends may go through a grunge phase. That’s perfectly acceptable as long you understand that you may very well be the only “grungy” kid who takes a bath every […]

If Baby Could Talk – Part 2

Uh oh!  Uh oh!  My arms got out.  My arms got out! Momma!  Momma, my arms got out!  My arms are loose!  They’re loose! Momma!  Momma, my arms got out of the swaddle! Momma!  Momma, help! My arms!  They won’t stop moving!  They won’t stop moving! MOMMA! MOMMA, HELP! MY ARMS WON’T STOP MOVING! I CAN’T MAKE THEM STOP!  I […]