Dear Hospital Staff

>Dear Hospital Staff, Recently we came to your hospital and presented to you on the topic of Correct Death Reporting Procedures.  However, since that time, it has become abundantly clear that you were not paying attention at all.  I’ve taking the liberty of jotting down some things that are of concern to my office, in hopes of rectifying this situation […]

Surfer Dude: Part 2 of 4

>Okay so you’re probably asking what’s up with “Surfer Dude”.  There came a point in time where I was interacting with enough guys online that I began giving them nicknames so that I could keep them straight when I was talking about them with my friends. Surfer Dude and I never actually made it to a first date.  Well, I […]

How not to Date a Death Investigator: Part 1 of 4

>Actually, this rule/scenario probably applies to anyone who works with in the law enforcement community. Everyday for the past several months I tell myself, “Thank God I’ve met a wonderful man!  I’ve never been more relieved to never have to do online dating anymore.” Not long after my divorce I decided that it was time for me to get out […]

Dear Applicant(s)

>Dear Applicant(s): Many people, when applying for a job, believe that their time to “shine” starts at the interview.  I regret to inform you that this is not so.  Your time to shine, infact, starts from the time you submit your application and resume.  Every communication you make with my office after that is also part of your interview process.  […]

Vampires in the Morgue-Part Two

So I broke down and reluctantly read the third installment of the Twilight Series and, quite frankly, if it hadn’t been for the support of my friends/coworkers, I never would have made it to the end of the book. Bella!  Bella! Bella!  She has to be the most irritating, whiny-assed, clumsy, idiot that I’ve ever encountered. I swear if I […]

A little patience please.

>Dear Small Town Police Department, It was brought to my attention recently that one of your officers filed a complaint against my office, specifically, me, because of a so-called “intentionally slow scene response”.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind your fellow officers of a couple of things. First of all, I understand how tragic and difficult the […]

Things police officers have said to me at death scenes.

>1.  “Hey look!  It’s Kay Scarpetta!” Funny!  Compare me to a fictional character.  I bet you wouldn’t think it was so funny if I walked up to you and said “Hey look!  It’s Barney Fife!” 2.  “You work at the Coroner’s office.  You look so normal.” Thanks!  Huh huh.  SUCKER! 3.  AWW Come one!  Where’s the leather pants and high […]

Random things I’ve said at work and what they mean

>1.   “I wanna have a My Little Pony Party.” Translation:  I’m bored.  The phones aren’t ringing.  What I wouldn’t give for a death call right now.  WHOA!  That’s wrong!  I’m going to hell!  Let me rephrase….what I wouldn’t give for the cops to call me and tell me they found Porky Pig, Bugs Bunny and Bambi bones lying around in […]

A Writer’s Dilemma

>So here’s the thing.  I love to write.  But I have a hard time getting my words on to paper, or the computer for that matter.  A lot of times I have dialogues and narratives that trample through my brain at random moments.  Experts have said that the best thing to do in this situation is to carry something with […]