Gwennie’s Rant – In Shouty Capitals

I DON’T NEED THIS STUPID COLLAR! I’M NOT GOING TO GEORGIA! I’M NOT LEAVING MY HOUSE!  THIS IS MY HOUSE! MOMMA PROMISED ME I’D NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE IT.  I’M NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR FOR MY VACCINATIONS BECAUSE I’M NOT LEAVING MY HOUSE!  I’M NOT MOVING TO GEORGIA! THIS ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN!

(Pant. Pant. Pant.)

I’m going to stay here and get a job.  There’s a pet store here that’s always looking for a dog trainer – no experience necessary, so that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to train dogs to be my minions and I’ll be so fabulous at it that the pet store will pay me $30,000 per year (that’s how much Momma’s says I’ll need to cover the mortgage and utilities) and provide a two year supply of kibbles and send someone over to feed me, clean my litter box and tell me, from a distance, how pretty I am.

I’M NOT GOING TO GEORGIA AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! SOMEBODY TAKE THIS UGLY COLLAR OFF OF ME!  I LOOK STUPID IN IT!!!!

I’M NOT GOING! I’M NOT GOING! I’M NOT GOING!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE LOOKING AT?!

STOP STARING AT ME! THAT’S RUDE!

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