Useless Humans

This is the conclusion to the “Phoning PETA,” series. Dear Diary, I wrote you a poem. It’s called, Ten Things I Hate About Telephones. I hate telephones because they are ugly. I hate telephones because they go in the Daikini child’s mouth. I hate them because all they do is sit there and stare at people and cats. (Honestly! They […]

Door Knockers

This blog is a continuation of Gwennie’s diary entry, Phoning Peta. “I need a towel! I need a towel!” The four-year-old screamed at me while I rinsed her hair. “You’re holding it in your hand.” I hated pointing out the obvious, but she was holding a towel in her hand. She used it to dry her eyes and a for […]

Phoning PETA

Dear Diary, Everything has been awful! First, Momma disappeared for almost two days. She took the Daikini child with her which was nice but I keep telling her, “If you’re going to take the Daikini child away, you have to remember to leave her wherever it is you go.”  Did she do that? No! She brought the little prevert back! […]

The Daikini Child

Dear Diary, Momma and Boy-Dadda finally found a movie worthy of my attention. The movie is called Willow – a classic from the late 1980s. It’s about two men who are trying to get rid of a baby. Some prevert uploaded the entire movie to YouTube. You can watch it for free here: The second I made that connection I […]

Happiness and Harrows of Hairballs

Dear Diary, Momma has yet again managed to ruin my life by sucking all of the joy out of small, insignificant moments that somehow lift me up, making me feel like the truly superior feline that I am. via GIPHY As an official member of the Society for Exceptionally Fluffy, Exquisitely Soft, Felines, I can tell you that there are […]

You might be a sociopath if…..

Dear Diary, I have concerns. Very serious concerns about Momma’s littlest thing.  I’ve spent a lot of time researching sociopaths and have come to the conclusion that Momma’s littlest thing is most definitely a sociopath. Frickin’ memes! How am I supposed to get anything done with them jumping up my butt every three seconds?  via GIPHYvia GIPHYSigh. As I was […]

Moving Sucks!

Dear Diary, My life is horrible and awful. Every three years I’m shoved into a carrier where I’m left for hours and hours with no food or water and it’s all because of Boy-Dadda and his ridiculous need to follow someone called “The Navy” around all over the place. This last move was by far the worst. First, Momma took […]

Diary of a Cranky Cat!

Hello, everyone! This is Gwennie. I know it’s been a very long time since you’ve heard from me so I’m going to take this opportunity to remind you of a few things. First, I’m a cat. My full name is Gwendolynn Anne Marie Stefani Collins Silver. I’m the supervisory cat-in-charge of household operations at the Silver residence. What does this […]