There’s a New Sheriff in Town

Dear Diary, Oh the agony! The upset! The heartache! My happiness and well-being are spiraling downhill. And it’s all Boy-Dadda’s fault. This whole thing started when he got hit by a dump truck. Dumbass! I mean, at first it wasn’t so bad. When he came home from the hospital he kept to himself in the bedroom. But not long after, […]

The Prevert Invasion

Dear Diary, I suffered the most harrowing ordeal over the weekend. It started on Saturday. Something very strange was going on. Momma was going up and down the stairs, carrying stuff. Toys were being put away. Toilets were being cleaned. She was cleaning!!!! And when Momma cleans, that can only mean one thing. Grandma is coming! And she’s probably bringing […]

She’s lucky I love her

Dear Diary, The other morning, I was making the rounds. Given that I’m the supervisory-cat-of-household-operations, it’s my job to make sure that every thing functions according to my plan. I walked into Momma’s room, like I do every morning, and yelled, “Get out of bad, Fat Ass! The litter box needs to be cleaned. My dish needs to be filled […]

Close Encounter with the Rainbow Bridge

Dear Diary, Death was knocking on my door.   via GIPHYMy mouth hurt on both sides of my face. I couldn’t chew the kibbles in my dish and my tummy growled nonstop. Not to mention there was something oozing out of my fur. I tried to clean it but it was really nasty, so I stopped cleaning myself altogether. But that […]

Useless Humans

This is the conclusion to the “Phoning PETA,” series. Dear Diary, I wrote you a poem. It’s called, Ten Things I Hate About Telephones. I hate telephones because they are ugly. I hate telephones because they go in the Daikini child’s mouth. I hate them because all they do is sit there and stare at people and cats. (Honestly! They […]

Door Knockers

This blog is a continuation of Gwennie’s diary entry, Phoning Peta. “I need a towel! I need a towel!” The four-year-old screamed at me while I rinsed her hair. “You’re holding it in your hand.” I hated pointing out the obvious, but she was holding a towel in her hand. She used it to dry her eyes and a for […]

Phoning PETA

Dear Diary, Everything has been awful! First, Momma disappeared for almost two days. She took the Daikini child with her which was nice but I keep telling her, “If you’re going to take the Daikini child away, you have to remember to leave her wherever it is you go.”  Did she do that? No! She brought the little prevert back! […]

The Daikini Child

Dear Diary, Momma and Boy-Dadda finally found a movie worthy of my attention. The movie is called Willow – a classic from the late 1980s. It’s about two men who are trying to get rid of a baby. Some prevert uploaded the entire movie to YouTube. You can watch it for free here: The second I made that connection I […]

Happiness and Harrows of Hairballs

Dear Diary, Momma has yet again managed to ruin my life by sucking all of the joy out of small, insignificant moments that somehow lift me up, making me feel like the truly superior feline that I am. via GIPHY As an official member of the Society for Exceptionally Fluffy, Exquisitely Soft, Felines, I can tell you that there are […]

You might be a sociopath if…..

Dear Diary, I have concerns. Very serious concerns about Momma’s littlest thing.  I’ve spent a lot of time researching sociopaths and have come to the conclusion that Momma’s littlest thing is most definitely a sociopath. Frickin’ memes! How am I supposed to get anything done with them jumping up my butt every three seconds?  via GIPHYvia GIPHYSigh. As I was […]