Dear Twitter Peeps…or should I say tweets. (Ha! Ha!) I’ve recently encountered a number of disturbing messages sent to my twitter account and I feel the need to inform you of the following rules I’ve established.
1. I’m a cat! I’m not interested in any of your advertisements…unless you’re selling puff balls.
2. When I was little, Momma took me to the vet and a special surgery performed that basically left me asexual. Therefore, I have no interest in seeing your dirty pictures or purchasing any device to “turn me on”. DISGUSTING!!!!
3. I don’t know what a penis is. Please stop asking me if I’d like to enlarge it.
4. To the women who want to show me their boobs. Seriously? You only have two of them. Is that really supposed to impress me? I have six of them. Put your shirts back on and go out and get a real job – with medical benefits. I don’t think anyone should look that swollen.
5. I don’t care if someone is spreading nasty blogs about me. I’m a cat!
6. Regarding the allegedly nasty pics of me floating around the Internet – Seriously? The nastiest picture out there is of me with my belly fully exposed and ready to be rubbed.
If all of my faithful Twitter fans would be so kind as to follow these rules life will be much better for everyone – especially me.
You are all very welcome!