Making Words Work for You
A collection of anecdotes from my brief employment of a death investigator. Fair warning! Many of the details have been fictionalized.
>First and foremost I would like to state that I really do enjoy all of the police officers that I work with. They definitely make things a little more entertaining for me when I respond to a scene. However, there are a few that irritate the hell out of me -mainly, the ones who lie …
>Dear Small Town Police Department, It was brought to my attention recently that one of your officers filed a complaint against my office, specifically, me, because of a so-called “intentionally slow scene response”. I would like to take this opportunity to remind your fellow officers of a couple of things. First of all, I understand …
>1. “Hey look! It’s Kay Scarpetta!” Funny! Compare me to a fictional character. I bet you wouldn’t think it was so funny if I walked up to you and said “Hey look! It’s Barney Fife!” 2. “You work at the Coroner’s office. You look so normal.” Thanks! Huh huh. SUCKER! 3. AWW Come one! Where’s …
>1. “I wanna have a My Little Pony Party.” Translation: I’m bored. The phones aren’t ringing. What I wouldn’t give for a death call right now. WHOA! That’s wrong! I’m going to hell! Let me rephrase….what I wouldn’t give for the cops to call me and tell me they found Porky Pig, Bugs Bunny and …
>Dear Primary Care Doctor, My office has sent three requests for medical records on the above-named individual, and, as of today, we have yet to receive those records. Question. Did you think your response to my request was optional? Answer. State law dictates that you comply with our request. Immediately forward us this patient’s records …
>Well, he only “hung” around for a day or two before flying away. If you ask me, he was a little batty. Cute, just a little batty.
>In the simplest of terms, a Coroner is an elected official, who, depending on state law, may only need to be 18 years of age with a valid driver’s license and the ability to pass a background check. Scary!!! Some states are a little more strict on who they will allow to run for office. …
>There are some ground rules to establish so that this blog makes sense for my faithful readers who may not understand how a death scene investigation works. Rule number 1: The police do not request transport for the decedent. That responsibility falls on the death investigator. Rule number 2: The uniformed officers that initially respond …
I have to say that my favorite people to work with are police officers. They are some of the funniest and strangest people I’ve worked with at death scenes. About two years ago I responded to the scene of an individual who was in her forties and had very little medical history. The scene was …
>When I applied for a position as a Crime Scene Technician, the application process was pretty lengthy. Brutal, might be a better way to describe it. First was the initial application. Then there was the phone interview. Then I had to go out to Arizona and take a written test, followed by a panel interview …