Delusional Thoughts of a SAHM w/an Overactive Imagination & Way Too Much Time on Her Hands
Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. In celebration of the sun, I decided to do something different. So, at 1pm (Eastern, if you’re curious) I got dressed and took the baby for a walk. The Pond Just across the street from the condominium cluster I live at, there is a duck pond – with ducks. […]
Cuba Gooding Jr. Gave Me Some Advice Last Night
I was at home watching an awards ceremony on television when the phone rang. It was Cuba Gooding Jr.. “Where are you?” he asked. “It’s your big night. You need to get here.” I rolled my eyes. I had just put the baby to bed and was finally relaxing for the evening. “Fine,” I sighed. […]
Dear Baby: There’s No Crying In Baseball
Dear Baby, It’s the middle of the night and I understand you’re upset. But, why are you yelling at me? I didn’t pee in your diaper. Calm down! There’s no crying in baseball. You just ask that Forrest Gump fellow. First he’ll give you some mumbo jumbo about life and chocolates. Then, he’ll tell you […]
Dear Baby: I wrote this song for you….
It is inspired by your unwillingness to burp and fascination of ceiling fans. It also kept me awake and amused during your middle of the night feedings. Every time I burp you I sing you this song. I don’t want to burp. I don’t want to burp. I just want to stare. I want to stare, […]
Dear Baby: Will You be a Herpetologist?
Dear Baby, I look at you and watch you stare. It’s like you’re analyzing and investigating your environment, trying to absorb as much data as you can so that when you start talking your first word will also be your first question: Why? I wonder who you’ll become as you grow and what things will […]
Dear Baby: Here are 5 Rules for You to Follow When You’re Older
Daddy and I feel strongly that you should be able to express yourself. However, for your own protection (and our sanity) we will invoke the following rules. 1. You and your friends may go through a grunge phase. That’s perfectly acceptable as long you understand that you may very well be the only “grungy” kid […]
If Baby Could Talk – Part 2
Uh oh! Uh oh! My arms got out. My arms got out! Momma! Momma, my arms got out! My arms are loose! They’re loose! Momma! Momma, my arms got out of the swaddle! Momma! Momma, help! My arms! They won’t stop moving! They won’t stop moving! MOMMA! MOMMA, HELP! MY ARMS WON’T STOP MOVING! I […]
Dear Momma: Here are 10 things you should know about me
1. If my diaper is wet or dirty I will NOT eat! If I wet or dirty myself while I’m eating, please change my diaper right away. 2. I prefer that my formula always be heated to the temperature of boob. I won’t eat it otherwise. If my formula gets cold because you were changing […]
If Baby Could Talk
Somethings wrong. Somethings not right. Did it rain? Did my crib flood? Am I laying in a puddle? Oh no. I’m wet. I’m wet again. I don’t like to be wet. It’s dark. It’s dark in my room. I’m alone. I’m alone in the dark, in my room and I’m wet. Momma. Momma, I’m wet. […]
Dear Baby – Let’s talk about teamwork
Dear Baby, It’s the middle of the night and this never-ending battle between you and your Bink, for which I have to referee, is starting to annoy Momma. I think it’s time for the two of you to start working together as a team. Baby: the Bink only works if you keep it in your mouth. […]