Dear Baby: Here are 5 Rules for You to Follow When You’re Older

Daddy and I feel strongly that you should be able to express yourself. However, for your own protection (and our sanity) we will invoke the following rules.

1. You and your friends may go through a grunge phase. That’s perfectly acceptable as long you understand that you may very well be the only “grungy” kid who takes a bath every day.

2. Your friends may grow out their hair and style it in dreadlocks or cornrows. If that’s what you want to do, Daddy and I will be more than happy to purchase a mop head for you to wear over your clean and nicely cut hair.

3. We would never want you to be the only kid on the entire planet or the history of the universe with out an earring. I’ll happily purchase clip-ons for you.

4. Tattoos – Absolutely! I think that’s a fantastic way for you to express yourself. So Daddy and I will get you a variety of temporary tattoos (the kind that come off with soap and water). This way you can have a different tattoo every week. You’re friends may get permanent tattoos but they’ll be stuck with the same tattoo for the rest of their lives. Boring!!!!

5. Pants that hang down below the butt crack – Totally fine! We have no problem with you lounging around the house like that. Of course, you will have to change your pants before you leave the house. That is nonnegotiable.

Love,

Mommy
( Who clearly lives in a land called Wishful Thinking)

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