I was at home watching an awards ceremony on television when the phone rang. It was Cuba Gooding Jr..
“Where are you?” he asked. “It’s your big night. You need to get here.”
I rolled my eyes. I had just put the baby to bed and was finally relaxing for the evening. “Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll be right there.” Geez. What’s a girl have to do to get some quiet time.
I get there and make a bee line for the bathroom. As I’m sitting down on the toilet it occurs to me that I have no idea what to say if I win the award. I’ve never won anything before and I haven’t written a speech. Suddenly, I feel a rush of water against my bare behind and I realize the toilet is now overflowing. I can see it gushing around my tennis shoes. It’s a good thing my blue jeans aren’t hanging on the floor.
Later, I’m speaking with Cuba, (we’re on a first name basis with each other), about my acceptance speech.
“Just start off by making a joke out of how I had to call you to get you here tonight,” he said.
I sat down and began mentally preparing for what I’ll say in the event I win. This is what I came up with.