There’s A New Sheriff In Town – Part 2

Dear Diary,  This entry is a continuation of my previous entry. I apologize it took so long. As you’re well aware, cats don’t have opposable thumbs making it very difficult to type anything. That means I have to rely on Momma for help and she just couldn’t be bothered to assist me on my schedule. As you might remember, I […]

There’s a New Sheriff in Town

Dear Diary, Oh the agony! The upset! The heartache! My happiness and well-being are spiraling downhill. And it’s all Boy-Dadda’s fault. This whole thing started when he got hit by a dump truck. Dumbass! I mean, at first it wasn’t so bad. When he came home from the hospital he kept to himself in the bedroom. But not long after, […]

The Prevert Invasion

Dear Diary, I suffered the most harrowing ordeal over the weekend. It started on Saturday. Something very strange was going on. Momma was going up and down the stairs, carrying stuff. Toys were being put away. Toilets were being cleaned. She was cleaning!!!! And when Momma cleans, that can only mean one thing. Grandma is coming! And she’s probably bringing […]

She’s lucky I love her

Dear Diary, The other morning, I was making the rounds. Given that I’m the supervisory-cat-of-household-operations, it’s my job to make sure that every thing functions according to my plan. I walked into Momma’s room, like I do every morning, and yelled, “Get out of bad, Fat Ass! The litter box needs to be cleaned. My dish needs to be filled […]

Close Encounter with the Rainbow Bridge

Dear Diary, Death was knocking on my door.   via GIPHYMy mouth hurt on both sides of my face. I couldn’t chew the kibbles in my dish and my tummy growled nonstop. Not to mention there was something oozing out of my fur. I tried to clean it but it was really nasty, so I stopped cleaning myself altogether. But that […]

Useless Humans

This is the conclusion to the “Phoning PETA,” series. Dear Diary, I wrote you a poem. It’s called, Ten Things I Hate About Telephones. I hate telephones because they are ugly. I hate telephones because they go in the Daikini child’s mouth. I hate them because all they do is sit there and stare at people and cats. (Honestly! They […]

Phoning PETA

Dear Diary, Everything has been awful! First, Momma disappeared for almost two days. She took the Daikini child with her which was nice but I keep telling her, “If you’re going to take the Daikini child away, you have to remember to leave her wherever it is you go.”  Did she do that? No! She brought the little prevert back! […]