I suffered the most harrowing ordeal over the weekend. It started on Saturday. Something very strange was going on. Momma was going up and down the stairs, carrying stuff. Toys were being put away. Toilets were being cleaned. She was cleaning!!!! And when Momma cleans, that can only mean one thing. Grandma is coming! And she’s probably bringing that prevert-dog of hers too!
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Momma came into the office where Little Missy and I had assembled to discuss our course of action. I felt Little Missy should make the ultimate sacrifice and be a chew toy for the ugly dog. Little Missy felt I needed therapy to deal with unresolved issues. Therapy? I’m a cat! Therapy would never work.
While Little Missy and I were conversing, Momma put a few things away. As she left the room, she shut the door. We were trapped in the office with absolutely no provisions of any kind. Well…..we had water. And kibbles. And our litter box. And a sofa to sleep on or hide under. And a chair. And a window where I could perch from and stare at the world with my traditional looks of obstinance and disgust. But other than that, we had no provisions of any kind.
(2 hours Later)
We were still trapped in the office only now, there were noises coming from inside the house. Tiny voices. Lots of tiny voices. It was as if the little preverts had multiplied. I hopped on the computer and looked up “multiplying preverts” and stumbled on this educational clip.
Oh. My. God. Our house was filling up with little preverts. There’d be no peace now.
Tiny, rapid footsteps escalated up the stairs. And then, there was a knock on the office door.
The door knob turned right and left but the door didn’t open. Momma must have locked it on her way out. Normally this would’ve annoyed me but at this moment, I felt relieved. Little Missy and I huddled together, staring at the door. Wondering who or what was on the other side.
And then, everything was silent. Little Missy, completely traumatized by the experience, lapsed into an unconscious state. Not me. I was alert and on guard.
I heard a noise coming from outside. I peered out the window and what I saw shocked and horrified me. I was right. The preverts had multiplied and now they were all gathered in the backyard, watching a movie.
And Momma, Boy-Dadda, and a bunch of other adults were outside too. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was like everyone thought that having a bunch of tiny preverts in the backyard was totally normal. What is this world coming too, Diary?
Just before 11 pm, Little Missy and I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, repeatedly. It was quiet for the rest of the night. The next morning, Momma came into the office, fed us, rolled our litter box and walked out. She left the door open. We were free. I walked downstairs, staying low to the ground. The floors and walls smelled like fresh preverts. It’s going to take years for me to sniff everything. Fortunately, Little Missy and I survived the prevert invasion.
Thanks for shopping Snark, Sass, & Sarcasm! I’ll see you next time.
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