This entry is a continuation of my previous entry. I apologize it took so long. As you’re well aware, cats don’t have opposable thumbs making it very difficult to type anything. That means I have to rely on Momma for help and she just couldn’t be bothered to assist me on my schedule.
As you might remember, I was being held hostage by a dog with an attitude, Sally. Here she is.
And I had no other choice but to contact my cousin in Ohio, Xander. Here’s Xander.
We chit-chatted for a bit. Not long. I find these pleasant exchanges to be rather nauseating. After sharing a few stories, I got down to business.
“Well, anyway,” I said. “It’s time to get back to business. I need reinforcements.”
“Reinforcements for what?” Xander asked.
“I have a situation at my a house. A dog has moved in and believes it’s in charge. I need the dog to be issued a wakeup call. A painful, brutal, humiliating wakeup call.”
What’s this about a wakeup call?” I heard a deep, husky voice in the background which was probably appropriate considering the husky voice belonged to a Husky.
“Hello, Maya.” I choked back the urge to vomit.
“This is Gwennie. I have a problem and I need it taken care of.”
“Is this Grandma’s dog?” Maya asked.
“Yes. And she’s behaving totally out of line. I need her taken back a notch.”
“Good for her,” Maya barked. “I’m impressed that tiny little soccer ball has it in her.”
“That’s fascinating. Can you help or what?”
“I stand by my species, Cat! Figure it out yourself.”
“Fine! I don’t need you anyway! I have Xander!”
“Well, here’s the thing,” Xander began.
“What? Don’t tell me you’re backing out!”
This can’t be happening, Diary!
“The thing is that my life coach, Terrance, has told me this is a very bad time for me to travel. He says I’m not up for it and that I need to stay focused in familiar environments.”
“And then there’s Klaus. He’s my masseuse. He said I had a lot of tension in my neck and back and wants me to spend some time in the spa.”
“You have a membership to a spa?” I’m not sure why I asked because I really don’t care.
“Not exactly. I just lounge around in my parents’ bathroom while they take showers. The steam is very soothing.”
“That’s all very fascinating and I’d love to hear more about it when you come to Georgia and help me kick this dog out!” There was no way I was letting this jerk get out of his duty to cats everywhere.”
“Not going to happen,” Xander said. “I just don’t think my metatarsals can handle it. Sorry Gwennie, you’re going to have to handle this one on your own.”
I wish I could give you closure and tell you the story had a happy ending. It sort of did. The dog eventually moved into her new home. But for the duration of her stay, that stupid dog actually thought she was in charge.