A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

Dear Ellen: I’m talented

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

The other night, I dropped my husband off at a friend’s house for his monthly night out.  He watched me as I was setting up the GPS system. “Babe,” he said. “Why do you need the GPS system. Taking the freeway, it’s a straight shot east from here.

I laughed. “Keep in mind you’re talking to someone who gets lost walking out to the mailbox.”

“The mailbox?” he asked, scratching his head.  “You do not get lost walking out to our mailbox.”

“Oh yes I do,” I said.

“It’s attached to our front door,” he said.

“And yet, every time I check the mail, I wind up in our backyard. Wanna explain that one?” I asked.

“Whatever.” He laughed, closing the car door. “It’s a straight line,” he continued. “You can’t get lost following a straight line.”

“Never underestimate my ability to get lost, my dear,” I said. “When it comes to getting lost, I’m talented.”

For most people, a straight line is a straight line. But for me, a straight line east towards Baltimore means I’ll find myself in downtown Pittsburgh – five hours later – with no idea how I got there.

What can I say, Ellen? I’m talented like that.


A. Marie

Any out there have any humorous tales they’d like to share about getting lost?  If so, let me know in the comments.

13 Responses

  1. I get lost really easily, too. It’s terrible. Okay, I don’t get lost checking the mail or anything… but i get lost in my town all the time. I’ve lived here for almost 3 years. It hasn’t got any easier. I can’t go anywhere without my gps

  2. I have an internal GPS that serves me quite well when traveling significant distances. However…I can’t find my car. Like we’re talking even when it’s 10 pm and it’s the ONLY car in the lot can’t find my car. I can park somewhere and be in a building for thirty seconds and depart it with no clue at all where I’ve just parked. My sense of direction goes far…except for my car.

    1. Oh the stories I have to tell about trying to find my car. It’s my least favorite game – especially now that I have two small kids who are very good at testing my patience while we’re in the store.

  3. I don’t get lost very often but sometimes I forget where I was supposed to be going! You know, driving along singing at the top of my lungs and not paying attention! I always end up at Costco fir some reason! Weird, right?

  4. I am particularly talented when it comes to getting lost. GPS? Forget it! Don’t know the first thing about them. Maps? Can’t read them. The streets go the wrong way – like upside down to the direction I want to go in. How cruel is that?!

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A. Marie Smith

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