Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.
This is an actual conversation I had with my husband a few years ago – before Baby Girl was born. My husband has a habit of asking me what time I put the kids down. He’s referring to their naps, of course. But whenever he says it like that, it rubs me the wrong way. I feel like he’s asking me if I euthanized our children. So one day, I had enough.
Husband (glancing at the clock): What time did you put Baby Boy down?”
Me (sighing): I euthanized him a little over two hours ago. But don’t worry, I suspect he’ll miraculously resurrect in the next 45 minutes.”
It was a miraculous resurrection, indeed! He woke up right on schedule.