Dear Ellen: Sometimes I Make Things Up

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

Sometimes I make things up.  Last night, while I was knee-deep in my children’s stomach flu, I made up this conversation between the two of them. My son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is almost 2. Obviously they’re not at this level of communication yet, which makes a blog of this nature fair game.

Baby Girl: I ejected a massive volume of bitter nastiness from my stomach.

Baby Boy: So did I, sister.  Except the stench of mine was considerably worse than yours and my volume wasn’t nearly as much.  But then, you’re not even two yet.

Baby Girl: What does my age have to do with it?

Baby Boy: Easy. Everyone knows that the real challenge in life is to eject a minimal amount of stomach contents while, at the same time, creating a stench so massive it could clear the entire house.  The fact that you did the reverse makes you an amateur.

Baby Girl: I am NOT an amateur. I’m an overachiever.

Baby Boy: Did Momma brush your teeth afterwards?

Baby Girl: Yes, brother, she did. I was surprised at how effective the tropical fruit flavor of the toothpaste was in masking the acidic flavor in my mouth.

Baby Boy: I was too.  I think I will write about the various uses of toothpaste for my third grade dissertation.

Baby Girl: Did you find, after ejecting your stomach contents, that you were feeling better?

Baby Boy: I did, indeed. In fact, I felt quite energized and demonstrated that fact by running laps on top of my bed.

Baby Girl: Did Momma allow that?

Baby Boy: Quite the opposite, actually. She made me get off the bed and sit on the floor.

Baby Girl: What was your reaction?

Baby Boy: I growled at her.

Baby Girl: Like a bear or a lion?

Baby Boy: Neither.  I mimicked the mean kitty.  You know…the one who hides in the basement during the day.

Baby Girl: Excellent!  Do you feel your impersonation was accurate?

Baby Boy: I feel I could have done better. But in time, I will master it.

That’s all for now, Ellen.  Have a great weekend!

Sincerely,

A. Marie

Have you ever made up conversations for your children or pets? Please tell me all about it in the comments.

8 Comments

  1. If there were a narratology award for blogs, you would definitely win.

  2. hehehe!! I needed this laugh, thanks!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it!

  3. […] my artwork on Society6.com 12. The Owner of the anonymous blog Poetry and Chocolate and Books. 13. Marie, her three-year-old who growls for no particular reason and her 18-month-old who chews on the […]

  4. Whoa kids are a handful aren’t they! Loved your blog. And your name is just so adorable.. looking forward to reading more imagined conversations.

    1. Thanks! With my two little muses, I’m bound to come up with a lot more!

  5. […] my artwork on Society6.com 12. The Owner of the anonymous blog Poetry and Chocolate and Books. 13. Marie, her three-year-old who growls for no particular reason and her 18-month-old who chews on the […]

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