A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

Dear Ellen: Today was total chaos!

Sometimes I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

Today was total chaos! Baby Boy kept growling at his little sister. Baby Girl kept trying to body slam the poor cat, who dug her claws into me to brace herself every time.  This evening Baby Boy smacked his head against the coffee table – hard.  Like, goose-egg hard, scaring the crap out of Mommy and Daddy. But for those of you who are curious, he’s fine.  I, on the other hand, picked a hell of a week to quit drinking.  To top it off, I burned my hand while taking Baby Girl’s birthday cake out of the oven.  Did I mention?  She turns two tomorrow!  I have a two-year-old! Most days I don’t even feel like I’m potty trained and here I am with a 3 1/2-year-old and a 2-year-old. There should be laws requiring parents to be potty trained before having kids! Wait….is there? If so, I might be in trouble. Or not. I don’t know.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I picked a hell of a week to quit drinking!


A. Marie


Mom, if you’re reading this, Baby Boy is fine. I promise.

6 Responses

  1. You managed to blog it which indicates you survived, survival is good. Next time no children are around to copy and you see an advert for some domestic product the usage of which causes the adult couple to grin like they were at an MAD’s Alfred E Numan convention throw soft cushions at the TV and use ‘potty’ words- works wonders for evaporating pent-up rage.

  2. Sounds like a rough day!! Hope the rest of your week is a bit easier- and good luck on the drinking! I LOVE red wine, but recently found out I’m majorly allergic to yeasts so am trying to give it up… sniff sniff!

      1. It hasn’t stopped me from having it completely yet- but I definitely notice an icky feeling after- so annoying! I’m pretty sure I can used all the disabled toilets now though and bring my dogs into places because I clearly need service animals for this.

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A. Marie Smith

Your short bio telling the story of why you are a writer and the things that you think are important.