You may not know this, but before the Little Thing and his Minion, I used to be Momma’s one, true love. ME!!! It was live with Gwennie for 24/7. My life was wonderful. Honestly, I don’t know what Momma sees in the Little Thing or his Minion. They scream. They poop their pants. They leave kibble crumbs all over the house. And, most importantly, they aren’t fluffy. I decided one day to set the record straight with them. The Little Thing was still napping so I approached the Minion for a conversation. It went something like this.
Me: Minion. It’s time you and I have a little chat.
Me: Very good, Minion. Can you spell kitty?
Me: Then shut the hell up and listen because I don’t have all day to watch you drool. Momma loves ME best. Not you! Not your brother! ME! That’s spelled M-E.
Minion: (Shakes her icky little head). No. Momma loves me best, then Little Thing, and then Dadda.
Me: She just wants you to think that because she takes pity on you.
Minion: No! Momma loves ME! ME! ME! ME! She LOVES ME BEST! All day long and all night long! ME!!!!! MEEEEEEE!!!!
Me: No. She doesn’t. You’re rude. You’re loud and you’re ugly! Momma LOVES ME BEST!!!! MEEEEE!!!! So take that Minion!
This is Little Missy reporting live in Maryland, outside the emergency animal hospital. We received reports earlier that there was a disturbance at my house between Gwennie and the Minion. I can confirm that Gwennie was rushed to the animal hospital and that the veterinarians were able to remove the sippy cup from her jaw. But it will be a while before she can talk – though I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing. I’m also happy to report that my foot is healing and the emergency surgery needed to remove it from Gwennie’s rear end was a success. This has been a special news bulletin. This is Little Missy- Signing off!