Hello, everyone! This is Gwennie. I know it’s been a very long time since you’ve heard from me so I’m going to take this opportunity to remind you of a few things. First, I’m a cat. My full name is Gwendolynn Anne Marie Stefani Collins Silver. I’m the supervisory cat-in-charge of household operations at the Silver residence. What does this mean? Well, like all members of management I take a lot of naps while my humans do all of the work. It’s a rough life, but someone has to do it.
I have a few “isms.”
Ism 1 – I don’t like you.
Ism 2 – Yes, it’s personal.
Ism 3 – I don’t like preverts.
For the last several months, Momma hasn’t been letting me blog. Rude! She’s been obsessed with writing her own crap. Topics that no one cares about, like blogs where her children converse with each other in a post-collegiate vocabulary. Have you ever heard of anything more ridiculous than a couple of toddlers talking to each other in a post-collegiate vocabulary?
Momma’s obsessed with becoming the next Erma Bombeck. I had no idea who that was so I looked her up. Let me tell you what I learned.
She’s dead! Erma Bombeck is dead! Momma is obsessed with becoming a dead person! That’s nuts! She’s lost her marbles.
But I’m her cat so I do what I can to be supportive of her ambitions. For Mother’s Day I bought her a large, pine box.
“Here. You wanna be Erma Bombeck? Go take a nap inside of this.” I mean, she’s always complaining about how tired she is. I thought she’d appreciate the gesture. She didn’t. In fact, she had a few gestures of her very own she gave right back to me.
Rude! Momma should know better. Karma follows her wherever she goes. Not two months ago, her entire website – the one where she didn’t let me blog – was invaded by spamware. Momma lost everything – except for my blogs. What does that tell you?
I’ll tell you what it means. It means Momma should drop this whole Erma Bombeck business and let me take over her blog. Karma loves me!
Everyone loves me! And if you don’t love me:
This is Gwennie, signing off!