Dear Diary,
Momma and Boy-Dadda finally found a movie worthy of my attention. The movie is called Willow – a classic from the late 1980s. It’s about two men who are trying to get rid of a baby.
Some prevert uploaded the entire movie to YouTube. You can watch it for free here:
As I was saying about the movie, it’s truly a classic. Proof that back in the day, people knew how to write telling tales about suffering and how human babies are selfish and inconsiderate. Take the baby in this movie. The little prevert just shows up on a raft one day and totally ruins Willow’s life.
Here’s a little tip.
Any time there’s a dog tearing things up, it’s usually because the dog is under a great amount of anxiety and stress. Human children are the underlying cause of anxiety and stress in all living creatures. Especially me!
Anyway, this poor prevert, Willow, gets stuck having to take the baby away from the village. I don’t know why he didn’t just put her back on her raft and shove her down the river.
The point of all of this really is that during this movie I had a revelation.
As I was saying before being interrupted by prehistoric bird, I had a revelation. R-E-V-E-L-A-T-I-O-N, for those of you who can’t spell, like the dumbass animated movies Momma likes to use. Throughout the entire movie, all the preverts referred to the baby as the Daikini. Sometimes it was Daikini child. Sometimes it was Daikini baby. It didn’t matter what they called her, every time I heard her name I felt the urge to cough up a hairball.
It occurred to me that I never really named Momma’s baby.
The ugly one with the hair. (See above). Since “Daikini,” clearly means “Unwanted,” because the entire movie was about people trying to get rid of her, I felt this was an appropriate name for Momma’s baby. Therefore, as of today, Momma’s baby will henceforth be referred to as the Daikini. And just like Willow and that other prevert who was in the movie, I’ve spent the last 18 months trying to rid my house of the Daikini. She keeps smiling at me and calling me a “kee.” What the hell is a “kee?”
That’s all for this week, Diary.
Sincerely,
Gwennie.
