Unsolicited Home Inspections

Clarissa and Becky listened intently as Judy went through her recent adventures. She made notes in a small notebook as she spoke.

“The things that people do. It makes me tired just thinking about it. If you’re going to sell a house there are certain things you should NEVER do.”

“What did you find at the Lannister’s house?” Clarissa asked.

 

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Judy rubbed her temples. “Well, their choice of paint color is most unfortunate. Every wall was a dark egg shell. Everyone knows that the trend is now any shade of grey. You’d think they’d paint before they listed it.”

“Apparently not.” Clarissa snorted.

Judy reached for her notebook, reading the list of faults she found with the Lannister’s home. “I visited the house with my real estate agent at 9:00 a.m that morning. Upon close perusal of the Lannister’s home, I found a load of towels in the dryer. They looked like they’d been in there all night. I don’t know why people find it so difficult to remove laundry, press it, fold it so that precise 90 angles form at every corner and put it away. Can you imagine drying yourself off with wrinkled Egyptian cotton bath towels?

Clarissa shivered.

Becky squirmed in her seat. “Just thinking about it makes me itch.”

“Also under the category of “Curious Judgment,” I found two bowls, two spoons, and two coffee cups inside of the dishwasher. And the refrigerator door was covered in fingerprints.”

Clarissa gasped.

 

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“Oh. My. God. You mean they’re living there? In the house? While they’re selling it?”

Becky got down on her knees, crossed herself and prayed.


 

Judy’s doorbell rang. She got up and walked over to the door. “When we sold our last home, we stayed at our vacation house in Florida.” She answered the door, smiled and retrieved a package from the delivery person. Judy opened the package, removing a book.

“What’s that?” Becky asked.

“While I was in the Lannister’s bedroom, I noticed the clothing in their wasn’t stored appropriately. In some drawers it was total chaos. Socks mixed with underwear. Sweaters mixed with tee-shirts. I’ve never felt more nauseated.” Judy held up the book. “This should help.”

 

“I’m going to take it over to the Lannister’s later today.” 

 

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 “So…wait a second,” Becky began. “I’m confused. Are you going to buy the Lannister house?”

“Of course not,” Judy said. “I use open-houses as an opportunity to conduct home inspections. To look for contract violations so that the homeowner’s association can nip it in the bud before the sale is complete. Just because they’re moving doesn’t mean they should get away with violations.”

 

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“Did you find any violations at the Lannister’s?” Clarissa asked.

“Did I ever!” Judy sneered.