Fifty Shades Darker (Chapters 1-7)

Chapter 1

It’s been three days since the breakup and Ana is grateful for her first day of work.  She can’t eat.  Yep she’s definitely a skinny girl.  When I’m depressed all I want to do is eat.  In fact, pre-baby, one of my favorite comfort meals after a hard day was a family-sized can of Spaghettios with meatballs and a bottle of Merlot.  Just in case you’re wondering:  yes, the entire bottle.

While at work she receives long-stemmed, white roses from Mr. Grey with a card wishing her good luck on her first day.  Then the email banter begins with an innocent question.  Mr. Grey would like to know if she needs a ride to Portland for Jose’s gallery showing.

Of course she does!  Why?  Because she no longer has her Beetle and she gave the keys for the Audi back to Mr. Grey at the end of book 1.

She replies back and then continues on with her day trying not to feel the heebeejeebies vibe that she’s getting from her boss, Mr. Jack Hyde.

On her way out the door to meet Mr. Grey she takes a look in the mirror and describes herself as “gaunt with dark circles” around her eyes and pale.

She briefly comments that she wishes she knew how to wear makeup, implying, perhaps that she doesn’t wear makeup but then she pulls out mascara and eyeliner and begins applying them.  It would have been really funny if, in her distraught and confused state, she used the mascara as eyeliner and eyeliner as mascara but she doesn’t.  Clearly she knows how to apply makeup.

When she greets Mr. Grey he takes one look at her and immediately scowls at her apparently emaciated appearance.  Way to sweep a girl off of her feet!  Especially when you’re trying to win her back.

Turn page.  The conversation about her not eating continues.

Turn page.  Now the conversation is more about his obsession over her eating habits.

Turn page.  Oh look, they made up!  What a shocker!

Turn page.  Ana promises Mr. Grey that she’ll eat.

Turn page. Turn Page. Turn page.

They arrive at Jose’s art gallery.  When Jose greets Ana the first thing he says is, “Have you lost weight?”

For the love of rice cakes, people!  IT HAS ONLY BEEN 3 DAYS!  Seriously!  How much weight could she possibly have lost?

Three days of the stomach flu and the most I lose is about three pounds.

Sigh.  Back to Jose’s art showing.  His collection of photographs is impressive.  Of course it’s impressive.  I have yet to read a novel featuring an artist who’s collection isn’t impressive.  Just once it would be nice to read:

His work was a collection of poorly-focused photographs, taken in bad lighting with decrepit models.
That, at least, would be different.  Sad, but different.
As Ana and Mr. Grey make their way through the gallery they turn the corner and what do they see?  Seven large photographs of Ana.  Jose neglected to mention that little detail to her.  She was just a little annoyed with that fact and I can’t say I blame her.
Chapter 2
Mr. Grey is taking Ana to dinner so he can force-feed her steak.  Over dinner they discuss their heart-wrenching breakup.
Gradually they begin discussing what with wrong with their last sexual encounter.  Mr. Grey is upset with Ana because she failed to use her contractually obligated safe-words.  If she had done that they could have avoided the breakup.
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard.  Here’s a thought Mr. Grey: how about you take your kinky shit done a notch or two?
Ana’s response to Mr. Grey was that she forgot to use her safe word.
Mr. Grey is clearly unhappy with that.  Well, I guess someones going to get a spanking. Oh wait.  Never mind.
After dinner they drive back to Seattle and engage in a ‘Sex a la carte” discussion with what Ana will and will not tolerate.  Clearly spanking is off the table along with canes, whips and belts.  Well thank goodness for that.  I’ll sleep better at night knowing those are off the table.
The silver balls are still an option (a Book 1 thing).
Turn page. Turn page. Turn page.
Mr. Grey returns the Mac Book Pro and Blackberry to Ana and adds to her collection an iPad.
I think I just found my new goal in life:  To find a job I can do from home that pays enough money so I can indulge and get a Mac Book Pro and a Blackberry.  Either that or I could find a job where my employer issues me a Mac Book Pro and a Blackberry.
Even better – I’ll win the lottery.  Then I won’t have to work but I can still have both.
Enough with that.  Back to the book.
Blah. Blah. Blah.  She loves the iPad.  Who wouldn’t?
Chapter 3
Yey!  More email banter.  It’s my favorite part of the book.  No sarcasm intended. Yes, I’m completely serious.  I love the banter much more than the sex.
As I read through the emails I learn that Mr. Grey cautions Ana about using her work email to send him anything of a naughty nature because SIP monitors all of the incoming and out-going emails.
Intrigue!  Intrigue!  Hold on to your cattle prods, everyone!  Something other than Christian Grey is going down in this book. Are you ready?  Here we go!
A strange, young woman approaches Ana as she is leaving her place of employment.  The creepy encounter consists of the young woman asking Ana what makes her so special.  It ends with Ana looking at her like she’s nuts and surmising that this freaky woman must be connected to her beloved Mr. Grey.
Turn Page. Turn Page.  Ana is back at work and her new boss is still super creepy and is hitting on her.
Turn page. Turn Page.  Ana and Mr. Grey are at her apartment.  Things between the two of them are getting all hot and steamy and right in the middle of the foreplay, Mr. Grey asks, “Have you taken your pill?”
Smooth talker!
And then, you’ll never guess what happens next.
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin:
     Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey do not have sex.  Repeat.  They DO NOT have sex.  Instead, they go to a grocery store!  Yes!  That’s right!  They go to a grocery store where they purchase food in lieu of sex.
Now back to the regular programming.
After returning to the apartment Ana and Mr. Grey are getting busy in the kitchen  (pause for dramatic effect) chopping vegetables for dinner.  Had ya going didn’t I?
Alas, all that chopping and working with sharp knives was just too much for Mr. Grey because he whisks Ana away to the bedroom where they make a pie.Just kidding!  I don’t need to say anymore.  I think we all know what they were doing in the bedroom.

Chapter 4
This chapter begins with them eating the meal they started cooking in Chapter 3.  After dinner there’s dessert.  Yummy!  Mr. Grey breaks out the Ben & Jerry’s.  Now that’s my idea of a threesome!
Oh hold on there.  Looks like he has other plans for Ben & Jerry and it involves foreplay.   I don’t remember if Ana’s Inner Goddess had anything to say about that but my ‘fat girl with a bad attitude’ is screaming, “Are you insane!  That’s really expensive ice cream.  Eat it! Don’t play with it!”
Turn Page. Turn Page.
Ana has a nightmare about the freaky girl she saw outside of her work place.
Turn Page.
She tells Mr. Grey about the freaky girl and he knows exactly who she is.  Shocking!  He tells her the woman is an ex-sub of his.  Ah! Hah!  Spankings are bad!  They turned this poor girl nuts!
Chapter 5
Ana needs a hair cut for this really extravagant fund raiser his parents are hosting at their home.  Mr. Grey takes her to a salon that he owns.  While Ana is loitering about in the salon, she observes Mr. Grey speaking with an older, extremely attractive woman.  Light bulb!  This is the woman who introduced Mr. Grey into the world of kinky sex.
When she realizes this, Ana storms out of the salon, refusing their services.  In the middle of their argument, Mr. Grey receives a phone call about Leila.  As it turns out, Leila recently left her husband for another man who, even more recently, was killed in a car crash.  Then Leila tried to kill herself and now she was granted a concealed carry permit.  Intrigue!  Intrigue! I love it!
Ana agrees to move in with Mr. Grey for a while until Leila can be tracked down.
Chapter 6
Starts with sex.  Boring!  Let’s get back to the psycho, ex-submissive stalker.  That’s far more interesting.
Ana gets dressed for the fund-raiser at Mr. Grey’s parents’ home.  She looks stunning in her designer gown.  Basically she’s every fat girls worst nightmare.
Chapter 7
Ana volunteers to be part of a “First Dance” auction.  Mr. Grey, of course, is the highest bidder.  After he wins the first dance with her they go to his bedroom and have sex.  Thrilling!
Later, Mrs. Robinson (Christian’s cherry-popper) approaches Ana in the powder room and threatens her if she ever hurts Christian again like she did the week before.  I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that IT WAS ONLY THREE DAYS!!!!!
Ana informs Mrs. Robinson that she’s no better than a child molester and if Mrs. Robinson ever comes after her, she’ll be ready.
Shit’s going down!  Cat fight, anyone?
Mr. Grey interrupts the fight.  Bummer.
He and Ana leave together to go and watch fireworks.  He asks her to return the silver balls.  She refuses.
They drive back to his place in Seattle.
Her Audi was vandalized and Leila may be in Mr. Grey’s apartment.
Intrigue!  Intrigue!
Mr. Grey makes Ana wait outside of his apartment while he and his security team search it for Leila.
Suspense!  I love it!
***To Be Continued****
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