I have some issues I’d like to discuss with you.
First, I’m not sure who it was that thought “crying it out” was a good idea but let me tell you, it’s not. It’s a bad, bad idea. I would prefer it, if in the future, the second I scream you and daddy drop what you’re doing and come running. It’s the right thing to do.
Second, I’d like to discuss my nose boogies. I don’t know why I have nose boogies but I know they’re there for a reason. Please leave them alone. Just because they dangle from nose doesn’t give you the right to remove them.
Finally, let’s talk about the dirt collection I’ve amassed on my face. It took me all day to get my face that dirty. Don’t wipe it away. I mean really; what’s wrong with you people that you would do that? Have no shame?
Now, if you don’t mind. I’ve had a very rough day. I need bottle, binky and blankie (in that order) so that I may meditate in peace.
While I really like that lavender stuff you use to bathe me, I find that it induces drowsiness. This is unacceptable. I have far too much to do at night I can’t afford to sleep. Please discontinue the use of that lavender stuff.