Me: What do you think of this one?
Gwennie: No, no, no. We can’t use this picture, Momma. I’m bathing in it. People might think I’m dirty.
Me: I think just the fact that you’re bathing would suggest otherwise.
Gwennie: I don’t like it.
Me: Okay. How about this one?
Gwennie: I look stoned.
Me: Do you even know what that means?
Gwennie: Of course. It’s when you take too much catnip.
Me: How about this one?
Gwennie: Well it’s an excellent profile shot but the shadow behind my ears makes my head look distorted.
Me: Gwennie, this is for your blog. Not the cover of Vogue. Just pick one, will ya?
Gwennie: No! It has to be perfect. Or at least decent! The whole world is going to see this picture.
Me: The whole world? We only have four followers.
Gwennie: That’s because your posts suck. Mine are going to be much better.
Me: Thanks. I appreciate your support.
Gwennie: You’re welcome. Shall we continue?
Me: If we must.
Me: This one?
Gwennie: Too much shadow. Geez, Momma. Were you even paying attention in all of those photography classes you took?
Me: Be nice, cat!
Gwennie: You’re awfully grumpy. Maybe you should have a Snickers Bar.
Gwennie: ‘Cause on T.V. when someone is grumpy his friends give him a Snickers Bar.
Me: Oh boy. Moving right along then, how about this one?
Gwennie: I’m all head in this pictures. Maybe you should get me a booster seat.
Me: I don’t think you need one.
Gwennie: Sure I do. My paws don’t even reach the table.
Me: Your paws aren’t supposed to reach the table. You’re a cat. You eat in the basement. Remember?
Gwennie: I’m in denial.
Me: (Sigh) This one?
Gwennie: That’s the picture you use for your Twitter account. Personally I think that’s just wrong. You should use your own face and leave me alone.
Me: You’re cuter.
Gwennie: That’s for sure.
Me: Oh yeah! I’m just feeling the love from you, kitty.
Gwennie: You want love? Get a dog. You want brutal honesty? That’s me.
Me: One last picture and then you have to pick.
Gwennie: (Yawn). That’s acceptable. We can use this one.
Me: Are you sure?
Gwennie: Yes. But when I become famous I’m going to hire a professional photographer.
Me: You are just rude!
Gwennie: You don’t like it, get a dog.
Me: I just may.
Gwennie: Momma? You wouldn’t really get rid of me would you? I’m just a baby.
Me: You’re lucky you’re cute.
Gwennie: I’m exquisite.
Me: Good to know. Is there anything else you would like me to do for you?
Gwennie: I want a Twitter account and a Facebook Page.
Me: Oh Boy. I’ve created a monster.