A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

Conversations I have with my cat – Part 5

Gwennie:  Momma, I just read your last blog on the pooter.

Me:  Which one?

Gwennie: The one where you said piss.

Me: (giggle) Okay?

Gwennie: Boy are you gonna get hell from Grandma when she reads that.

Me:  Nah.  I don’t think so.  She’s got a pretty good sense of humor.  After all, she was married to my father for 26 years.  She’ll probably laugh and call me a snot and that will be that.

Gwennie:  You know you really shouldn’t use that f@#$ing language.

Me:  Watch your mouth!

Gwennie:  Well if that isn’t the f@#$ing pot calling the kettle black.

Me:  Gwennie!

Gwennie:  What?!  Why are you yelling at me?  I’m just following the piss-poor example you set.

Me:  Grandma doesn’t like that word!

Gwennie:  That didn’t stop you from using it.

Me:  I’m an adult.

Gwennie:  Right.  So you should know better.

Me:  Hey!

Gwennie:  You’re not gonna teach the Little Thing to talk are you?

Me:  Yes. 

Gwennie:  Oh dear.

Me:  What?

Gwennie:  The phone’s gonna ring off the hook with angry parents because of the words he’s gonna say at school.

Me:  I’m not going to teach him those words.

Gwennie:  You don’t have too.  All you have to do is take out the trash or drive in rush hour traffic and he’ll learn.

Me:  Gwennie!

Gwennie:  What?! I’m just being honest.  What are you going to do when you get those phone calls?

Me:  I’m not going to get those phone calls because he’s not going to learn those words.

Gwennie:  Maybe we should get a second phone line.  The first can be for regular phone calls the other can be a complaint line for angry parents.

Me: Oh for the love of Oreos!

Gwennie: You might want to switch to a bar of Zest.

Me: Dare I ask?

Gwennie (singing):  You’re not fully clean unless your mouth is zest fully clean!

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A. Marie Smith

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