Dear Puff Ball,
Why must you be so naughty? Momma’s little thing was fine just a minute ago and now he’s crying.
When I walked into the room to investigate, I found you sitting on the floor, glaring at the little thing.
Why would you be so awful to Momma’s little thing? He can’t help that he’s just a little thing. And then you come around with your high-and-mighty puffiness and you made him cry.
I have no other option but to try you in front of a jury of your peers for this vicious crime. But since I can’t get to any of your peers because I knocked them underneath the couch, two bookshelves and the entertainment center, I think I’ll just skip the trial, find you guilty on all charges and sentence you to death by drowning you in my water dish.
So long puff ball! May the all powerful Kibble Master have mercy on your soul.
Don’t worry, when Momma finds you in my water dish, she’ll dry you off and give you back to me.