A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

Diary of a Cranky Cat – Invasion of the Super-Sized Little Thing

Dear Diary,

SEND HELP!!!!  Call 911!  There is a major CATastrophe going on in my house.  Aunt Sheri and Uncle Matt came over and they brought the super-sized Little Thing with them.  He’s just like Momma’s Little Thing except that he’s bigger (hence the super-sized intro) and also, he belongs to Aunt Sheri.

But then Aunt Sheri and Uncle Matt left and forgot to take the super-sized Little Thing with them!  OMG!!!!  Little Missy and I are at a loss.  We don’t know what to do!  Our Little Thing is easy to control because he can’t walk. But this super-sized Little Thing can walk.  He can also run, chase and throw things.  SCARY!!!!

It gets worse.

This morning Little Missy and I were downstairs.  Momma, Boy-Dadda and Momma’s Little Thing were still asleep.  Somehow, the super-sized Little Thing escaped from his cage and got out.  He came downstairs.  Fortunately we heard him coming.  Little Missy and I ran into the kitchen as he was walking into the living room.  We stopped and waited.  It sounded like he was getting settled on the couch.  That’s when we took off and ran upstairs to take refuge in Momma’s room.  BUT THE DOOR WAS CLOSED!!!!!!  OH THE NIGHTMARE!!!!!

“What do we do now?” Little Missy asked.

“We lay low and be very quiet,” I said.  “As soon as Momma opens the door, we’ll run like hell, inside.”

“Why don’t we just rattle the door until they open it?”

“Oh sure,” I said. “Yeah that’s a great idea.  Let’s advertise our location to the super-sized Little Thing.  Maybe if we’re lucky, he’ll swallow us whole instead of chewing on us.”  I slapped Little Missy on the head.  “Dumb Ass!”

Little Missy slapped me back.  “Be nice, Gwennie!”

Suddenly a loud noise came from inside Momma’s Little Thing’s room.

“Be quiet, Little Thing!” I scolded.  “You’re gonna get us all killed!”

Then the door opened.  Little Missy and I looked at each other very briefly and then practically tripped over our own paws trying to get inside the room.  Momma came out of the room, yawning. 

“Morning girls,” she said.

“Momma,” I said.  “What are we going to do?  The super-sized Little Thing got loose and he’s downstairs.”

Momma scratched her head.  “How about I make him breakfast and then fix some coffee?”

“You’re gonna feed the wild animal? Are you nuts?”  I couldn’t believe my own ears.  “How about you hand him the Little Thing and then throw them outside and lock the door?” 

Momma stared at me for the longest time.  Then she said, “No.  I like my idea better.”

Bad Momma!  Bad, Bad Momma!

Fortunately no cats were eaten alive during the writing of this entry.  But, I’ll have to talk to Momma about letting super-sized Little Things stay in my house.  It just isn’t acceptable.

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A. Marie Smith

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