Diary of a Cranky Cat – I’ve Met the Max-Cat

Dear Diary,

I’ve met the Max-Cat.  Earlier today I was investigating my new surroundings.  Momma told me not to go upstairs.  I interpreted that to mean that I absolutely should go upstairs.  So, I did.  The first door on the right was a large bedroom.  Seeing as how I’ve already opened all of the cupboard doors on the first floor, I figured I would do the same on the second floor.  The room on the right is where I started.  Before walking into the bathroom, I circled around the main bedroom.  There was a large bed, a short table and a scratching post.  Someone must have known Little Missy and I were coming.

My only complaint about this room was the stench.  Something in this room smelled worse than Momma’s Little Thing during a diaper change.  It smelled like..like….another animal.  That’s when I knew I wasn’t alone.  I slowly backed away from the bed, lowered my head and peeked underneath.  There he was, mostly black with a splash of white across his face, kind of like that Phantom of the Opera guy.  He was frozen in fear.  Good!  He’s smart to be afraid.  The look in his eyes was vacant.  Good!  Vacant expressions suggest an easier time with manipulation.

I chose to engage my enemy.  “Listen!”  I demanded.  “My name is Gwennie.  You’re in luck.  I just had a bath so I’m in no mood to fight.”  He just layed there and said nothing.  “I’m only going to say this once and you’d better pay attention because there’s gonna be a quiz later.  I’M IN CHARGE!  THIS IS MY HOUSE!  YOU NOW WORK FOR ME.  YOU’RE VERY WELCOME!”

He still didn’t say anything.  He’s wise to do so.  I was going to continue with my speech but Momma came into the room just then.

“What are you doing Gwennie?”

“Nothing Momma.”

“Are you playing nice with Max?”

“Of course Momma.”

Momma nodded her head but her facial expression suggested she didn’t completely believe me.  Mental note:  Sit on Momma’s lap and purr.  This should brainwash her.

Momma came over to me and gently tapped me with her foot.  “Scoot. Scoot,” she said.  Really?  Really?  I can’t believe she thinks that’s gonna work.  She tapped me again with her foot.  It was really starting to irritate me so I got up and left the room. 

I’ll return later to quiz this Max-Cat and make sure he understands our new living arrangement.

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