Dear Diary,

Momma said I owed her an apology.  She said it’s not nice to call people fat….even if it’s true.  She said I should never, ever say such hurtful things to people because it’ll make them feel bad.  She also said I should write an apology to her so everyone knows I’m not actually so nasty.

Sigh…..It must be nice to be Momma.  She gets to live up in the clouds and spend her days dreaming about things that’ll never happen.  But then, maybe just this once I will apologize….because I am a nice kitty….when I want to be.

So here goes:

Dear Momma,

I’m very sorry you’re so fat. It must be hard to get through the doorways. But at least you’re not ugly like Little Missy.

Love,

Gwennie

P.S.

You’re not pregnant anymore.  Stop eating for two, moron!