Dear Diary,

Where the heck am I?  This isn’t my blog!  I’m mean just look at it!  Who put those books at the top of the page?  Where are my follow buttons for Twitter and Pinterest? Who put that picture of me up?!  Do I sound relaxed to you?!

Then it occurred to me.  The worst has happened!  My blog was kidnapped!  I ran as fast as I could upstairs to Momma’s room.  She was asleep in bed.  Lazy Ass!  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I jumped onto the bed and landed right on top of her bladder.

“Gwennie!” She tried shoving me off but I fought it and moved to her other side.

“Momma!  Emergency!  Call 911!”

“Why?” She yawned.  “What did you do?  Did you lose one of your puff balls underneath the stereo cabinet again?”

As a matter of fact, I had but that was hardly the point.  “No!  It’s my blog!  It’s been kidnapped! Hijacked!  Hacked!”

“No it hasn’t.”  She reached for me like she was going to give me ear squishes.  Yeah right!  Like I was going to fall for that.

“Momma!  Listen to me!  My blog is different!”

She rubbed her eyes.  “It’s the middle of the night. It’s time for bed. Not blog.”

“Um.  I’m a cat. I’m a nocturnal cat.  I sleep during the day.  Moron!”

Momma yawned again.  I really wish she’d get that under control.  It’s annoying….and rude.

“Nothing happened to your blog.  I moved it to another site.”

She what?!  “You did what?!  Why?!”

“Because Blogger wasn’t working for me anymore. And I know a lot of writers who really recommend WordPress.”

“Oh really!  So if they recommended you jump off a building, you’d do that?”

“As long as I landed back in bed. Now go away.  Momma needs to sleep.  The Little Thing is going to be awake soon.”

Dear Diary,

I’m seriously considering putting Momma up for adoption.  Just sayin’.