A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

If Baby Could Talk – Pretty Kitty

Baby was on the floor rolling around from one end to the other.  He stopped when he saw Gwennie walking by.  With a wide smile and overwhelming happiness in his eyes he squealed with joy.  “Pretty Kitty!  Pretty, pretty kitty!”

Gwennie, annoyed as usual, sneered at him as she marched by.  “Yes little thing; that’s right.  I’m pretty.  You’re very smart.  I can’t even begin to tell you how intellectually stimulating it is for me to hear you tell me six times in one day that I’m pretty. Now go bug Little Missy!”

Baby smiled and shook his arms with excitement.  “I thought you were Little Missy.”

“What?  OH MY GOD! What is wrong with you?  Why would you say that?” The worst thing anyone could do was tell Gwennie she looked like Little Missy.

“Look here, Little Thing!  There is a very simple way to tell me apart from Little Missy.  I’m beautiful and she’s as attractive as the hair on a horse’s ass!”

Baby rolled from his back to his stomach.  “That’s a bad word.  You said a bad word.”

“Well it’s nice to know you’re not completely stupid.  Anyway, to make it easy on you I’m going to give you a visual education on the difference between Little Missy and I.  Pay attention! I’m only gonna do this once.”

Gwennie went over to Momma’s computer and turned it on.  Then she navigated her way through Momma’s blog and found pictures of her and Little Missy to show Baby.  Performing this action with out a thumb demonstrated just how truly talented and special Gwennie is.

Gwennie loaded the pictures and then nudged the laptop with her head so Baby could see it.

“This is Me”

“I’m exquisitely beautiful and extremely fluffy.  Every cat on the planet wants to look like me. Just ask them.  They’ll tell you.  Now I’m going to show you a picture of Little Missy.  Don’t be afraid! DO NOT PANIC!  She’s ugly; not dangerous. Are you ready Little Thing?”

Baby scrunched his forehead.  He was completely confused by this demonstration.  “Kitty,” he cooed.  “I know what the other kitty looks like.  She lives here too.”

This angered Gwennie.  “Oh shut up and look at the picture!”

*********VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED**************************
Look at her!  She’s awful! 
“See!  She’s so ugly she’s sideways!”
Baby looked at the computer screen and smiled.  “Pretty kitty! Looks just like Gwennie!”
Gwennie gasped, exasperated by this comment.  “SHE IS NOT!!!!  She’s horrifying!”
Baby giggled.  “You funny kitty!”
“Well of course I am!  That’s not the point!”
Frustrated by her inability to properly educate Baby, Gwennie stormed off.  Meanwhile Little Missy came around the corner, unnerved by Baby’s presence.  Baby rolled toward her when he saw her.
“Pretty Kitty,” he cooed.
“Thank you Little Thing,” Little Missy said nervously.  As she slowly and with great caution walked past Baby he reached for her, just barely missing her fur.  “No. No. Little Thing. Don’t touch.”
“Fluffy,” Baby said. “Pretty; just like Gwennie.”
“That’s nice Little Thing.  Don’t let Gwennie hear you say that.  Nobody will ever hear the end of it.” Little Missy said. Once she was clear of him she ran like the wind through the kitchen, into the hallway and up the stairs.  She passed by Momma as Momma was coming out of the bathroom.
Momma walked around the corner and saw Baby.  “Watchya doing Baby?  Are you being good?”
Baby looked up at Momma and smiled.  “Pretty Kitties.”
“Yes Baby,” Momma replied, picking him up from the floor.  “They are very pretty.”
“Bottle?” Baby asked.
Momma smiled.  “Yes Baby.  It’s time for bottle.”

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A. Marie Smith

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